Closer To You

𝟏𝟎. 𝐇𝐚𝐦𝐳𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐙𝐚𝐡𝐫𝐚

My heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my ears.

He touched me.

We both immediately face forward. As if nothing happened, I pick up my pen and continue to write the sentence I was going to write before he nudged me.

Mrs Ellis's loud, cheerful voice lowers dramatically and fades into nothingness. All that my ears can catch are deep breaths and the fast, non-rhythmic beating of my heart.

I look at him from the corner of my eye. His golden gaze is fixed on Mrs Ellis. He is closely observing her and listening, his eyes refusing to roam away from her face. Wisps of his dark hair curl in the way of his eyes. His large hand raises and delicately runs through his small curls. My attention is stolen by the sight of a bracelet on his wrist, peaking out from where it is tucked under his hoodie sleeve. Three small pebbles are attached to a blue fabric thread.

Is that...

"Zahra!"

I turn my head forward distractedly. "Are you ok?" Mrs Ellis is looking at me concernedly, her bright pink lips puckered into a frown.

The silence is stifling as the class looks at me. Am I ok?

Realising she is still looking at me with expectation, I nod my head with a small smile.

"Ok." She exclaims gleefully. "So, as we have said in the last few classes, stress is a physiological reaction to an environmental stressor. Where a stressor is acute, the body responds in the Sympathomedullary pathway, or in other words, 'the fight or flight response'."

Her small stature paces the room, and I listen carefully to her words as she explains stress. "And, where a stressor is chronic, the pituitary-adrenal system is activated...Zahra, knowing this and what we have learned in today's lesson about sources of stress, I would like you to explain a source of stress of your choosing." She finishes off with a bright smile, successfully stopping to pace the room and look at me.

I feel my heart pick up. We were learning about sources of stress today. And I wasn't listening. I was too enraptured in my own thoughts and him to take down any notes.

It is Mrs Ellis' habit to quiz one of her students at the end of her lessons on what has been taught. Think of it as a way to consolidate the lesson's teachings. That's one of the reasons students hate her class: not only is the student she chooses completely random, but she also makes that student stand up in the classroom when everyone is seated.

And if that person has no idea what they're talking about...well, the embarrassment will eat them alive because Mrs Ellis does not let anyone off the hook.

Yep. She is the worst enemy of those poor souls with social anxiety.

And today, I am her target.

Taking a deep breath, I stand up from my seat. My eyes briefly catch sight of a paper with written lesson notes sliding onto my side of the desk. I think nothing of it.

"Life changes can be a source of stress," I softly state, hyper-aware of the pin-drop silence in the classroom and everyone's attention on me. "For example, moving schools would require significant adjustment. The bigger the change, the greater the adjustment, and the greater the stress."

When I revised this topic a week in advance last week, I couldn't help but relate to it. Leaving the primary school I attended with him was a massive change, and adjusting was difficult. But it wasn't only that life change that was the source of my stress.

"Life changes can be cumulative. They can add together to create more stress for the person. For example, alongside moving schools, that person's parents may be fighting and heading towards a divorce, that person might be losing a friend, someone they are close to,...that person may have had something happen to them which is hard for them to process...When these stressors combined are inflicted on that one single person, it means that person requires even more change to adapt to those circumstances. Thus...the more likely a person will experience stress."