Closer To You

𝟏𝟑. 𝐙𝐚𝐡𝐫𝐚 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐀𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐚

Silence envelopes our walking figures as we leave the classroom.

Mrs Carter called us for an early-morning meeting, which is why, now that we have finished the meeting, the quiet corridors are full of lively groups of students.

I take a deep breath as a male student rushes past me, guffawing as he chases his friend.

I keep my eyes on his back as I follow his stride.

He hasn't said a word. I never expected him to. But when he looked at me out of disbelief when I said yes to Mrs Carter's proposal, I thought he would finally break his vow of silence.

He looked at me. And his golden gaze was...dangerous.

I couldn't bear to face his gaze, so I continued to face Mrs Carter with wavering eyes as every cell of my body burned with a mysterious ailment.

He very slowly agreed with the proposal after I did.

Not long after, Mrs. Carter ushered us out of the classroom, mentioning that our classes would start soon and that she would contact us soon. But I didn't miss the sight of a pleased smile on her face. And yes, this time, it was a genuine smile.

This leads me to now as we walk amongst the crowds of students, reigning in a bustling environment.

So much love for a Wednesday...

My eyes keep flickering back to his solid frame as I simultaneously search for Afifa in the corridors.

There are not many people I know and talk to. Other than Afifa, I don't really interact with anyone outside of class. No one has clicked with me on the level I did with Afifa. We are, like she said, soul sisters.

Besides, I do not need more friends. Friends should be carefully chosen. Your souls should be connected in such a manner that you can decipher each other's every emotion and thought. Friends are your completeness and guidance in this overbearing Duniya (world).

The way Afifa is.

I skim over the unfamiliar faces filling the corridor as they lean and talk to their friends by their lockers. Boys play catch from one end of the corridor to the other, making it so footballs fly over our heads. One hits a group of girls by the lockers, and they squeal loudly. Another guy runs past me, shouting apologies at them, and I shudder.

Calm.

I sigh and clench my hijab, again seeking him out in front of me as I keep walking.

Afifa's not here, but she should be here soon.

She'll probably want to talk about what happened yesterday. And for once, I think I want to talk about it. I've been feeling like I want to tell her everything lately. Everything that has burdened my soul...going back as far as ten years ago. Even if there is a chance of her abandoning me because of it, I just want...I want...sukoon (peace).

Since yesterday especially, I've been feeling really odd—almost delirious. I don't think I'm managing well.

My whole life, I've felt like I've been stuck on a sickening, loopy ride—a rollercoaster with no pit stop to recollect myself, react, or even think about what I've experienced.

It's been nonstop. The events of ten years ago and trying to repress the demons of my past. Mum and Dad's arguments my whole life all led to my Mum eventually leaving. I had to step up to take care of Inaya and Baba in her absence, with barely any help from my sisters. There are talks of a rishta (marriage proposal) for Hania, which is an entirely new experience for all of us. And now, my father, who I love so dearly, hates me for a reason I do not know.