How is this my life?

Choose The Day

<Rick Grimes>

Rick had started his journey feeling optimistic, he was sure that he had made the right decision. At least for his own family, he was positive. Carl had never acted out like Amy had accused him. There was no way his son had raised a gun and threatened another child, even the attitude complaints were far fetched. No, it was an obvious tactic to smear his character, just like the elections. Reed had accused his wife of having an affair and him of letting his high school friends off easy. It was all rumors and speculation but it had hurt his chances of becoming sheriff two years ago.

"What are we going to do?" His wife whispered shakily from her open doorway. They had settled for the night in a small cul de sac, the houses were visibly looted and abandoned so he hoped it would keep people away.

Lori stopped looking him in the eyes since they had essentially been banished from the group. They had one argument where she begged him to go back and apologize, that he still needed a doctor to help him heal. Food had been scarce and the packs had only lasted two days on the road. His wife wasn't showing yet but he had caught her cradling her stomach the same way she had with Carl. She loved that child and he knew, deep in his bones, that baby wasn't his.

"I told you, we'll find a place." Rick said emotionlessly, his stomach was cramping from lack of food. His own portions always went to his wife and son after a couple of bites, just enough to keep him going. "You need to trust me, I know it's out there."

"Yeah, Amy already had a place." Lori mumbled under her breath but he heard her and it made him grind his teeth. Rick had scared her just two days before, so badly that Chuck had intervened saying he needed a break to talk with God.

"We couldn't trust her!" Rick snapped, stalking away from her to look out the window. His pulse raced when he noticed a group of walkers congregating at the fence in the backyard. T-Dog was alone, frantically trying to stab them with a sharpened broom stick. "You saw how they looked at us! How they looked at Carl! They blamed us, Lori! For the farm, for Dale, for Sofia, we couldn't have stayed even if I kept my mouth shut!"

"You're sick, Rick!" Lori stepped into the room with her hands protectively covering her still flat stomach. She had even left the door open as if she feared him more than their marital problems becoming public knowledge. It was so unlike the wife he had spent two decades with, her reputation had been everything to her. "We couldn't even convince that doctor to come with us! What are we doing? We have to think of Carl, he's only eleven!"

"I'm always thinking of Carl!" He snarled, making her flinch away from him and it only enraged him further. It felt like his stomach and intestines were rearranging themselves, shrinking and pulling at him constantly. He had briefly read the notes Jenner had sent with him but Rick knew it was just stress and hunger. "Everyday, every minute, I'm thinking of my son, my wife, my child, my group! Where are we going to get food? How much ammo we have left? Where are we going to sleep? Trust me, Lori, I am always thinking about our safety!"

"Enough." Chuck said firmly from the doorway, his usual placid smile gone from his wrinkled face. "Lori, Morgan could use your help with the kids. I need to talk to Rick."

It looked for a moment that she wanted to argue but for the first time, Rick noticed how haggard his wife looked, the tears in her eyes. Both men watched her scurry out of the room, only pausing once the older man patted her shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. He turned away once he realized that Chuck was giving him a long measuring look.

"Just say whatcha wanna say, man." He didn't trust Chuck but he was a good shot and never minded taking watch or helping with the boys. The Grimes family had never been particularly religious but all of the man's stories had moral lessons so he never complained. Not to mention the man never ran out of corny jokes for the boys.