I wanted to be something to him. I thought maybe if there was an after life he would see me. Be with me. But i realized that im still just a fan. Im sure there are thousands of girls that think his looking down on them and loves them, but in real life he still may not know who we are. Im so romantic and i can really fall in love with anyone, but after seeing river phoenix and jonathan i know i dont just love the because their cute. They are doing something i like really want to do! and thats become an actress, and just because i may not be the person jonathan brandis or river phoenix is looking down on doesnt mean that i cant look up to them. They are such amazing people. I hope to be just as successful acting. I hope one day i will stop fantasizing of boys that i will never be with and find one that will really be with me. I thought one i find the one, the boys that i fantasize about now wont be important but jonathan and river will, because they were real, real to life and what they did. They changed the world, maybe not in a big way but they change people who will change over people and with change others. I think i know why their is death, to help and inspire others. Life is short, and you dont want to waste is on something you dont want to do. i want to be an actress and i know i can. What im doing know would help that but it sure does make me happy. and happiness is the key to your future so im some way me being happy with help me in what i want to do. And you know what, i just realized this now, because talking about jonathan. This is one way they can help us. I dont think anyone really reads but little morning notes but i like making them, and i like to go back and read them so im going to keep doing them and people who want to read by bad grammar and deep thougths can.
