the Reason ~ Kaz Brekker

10 Stuck

A/N: wow i know it's been so long and I kept you guys waiting for like a full year. I'm so sorry. I didn't forget about you so don't worry. I will finnish this story I promise. for now, I'm back! here's the next chaper

"ARE YOU HUNGRY?" Kaz kept his eyes on the fire in front of him. The familiar steps of Inej stopped at his words. "Or just saying goodbye?"

She came around to his right and met his eyes. He almost glared, knowing what the answer was. She held out the now repaired cane.

"Jesper fixed your cane." she said quietly, handing him the once broken cane. He regarded it for a moment before resting his gloved hand firmly on the hilt, squeezing it. It might have been out of anger, but he wasn't sure.

"So you are leaving." Kaz said solemnly, still staring at the fire.

He waited in another silence until Inej spoke up again. "That's it? After everything, there's nothing else you want to say to me?" It was more of a statement than a question, but she still waited for an answer.

"What else is there?" Kaz didn't know what else to say. He wasn't the sort of type to be sentimental about memories. He still didn't look up.

Something inside him still boiled from earlier that day. Maybe it was because Inej let their target go. Maybe it was because he was outsmarted by a stupid Grisha General. Or, maybe it was the fact that Sia was lying pale and unconscious and Inej was leaving too. It wasn't until he heard a sigh then the silent footsteps of Inej finally walking away that Kaz realized he couldn't let her leave.

"You were right!" he suddenly forced out the words.

Inej stopped walking and turned to face him. "About what?"

"The Sun Summoner." Kaz looked her in the eye and nodded. "You were right. She's real."

Inej must have read his words as sincere because, to his relief, she walked towards him and sat on the bench next to him.

"I've played it over and over in my head." he continued. "None of it's a trick. The Light was hers."

"So, what? Kaz Brekker finally believes in Saints."

"Hardly."

"But you just said that-"

"I said Alina Starkov is a Grisha with the power to manipulate light." Kaz snapped. "She's a girl with a gift, not some savior of lore."

Inej sighed. "Fine. Kaz, if not Saints, what do you believe in?"

"Myself." Kaz's instinctual shield of an answer came out of his mouth before he had to think.

Inej shook her head and turned away. "Why do I even ask?"

"And you. And Jesper." Kaz spoke quickly then waited, afraid of what he was about to say. What he wanted to say. "And her" He glanced behind him at the barn and Inej followed his gaze to the little stable Sia slept in. "My Crows."

"Because we flock to your bidding? Like the animals of vengeance you named us after?"

"Crows don't just remember the faces of people who wronged them. They also remember those who are kind" Kaz said, glancing at the golden crow's head on his cane. "They tell each other who to watch over and who to look out for. No Saint ever watched over me. Not like you have." he paused, not sure if he meant his next words. But he did. He believed in every word. "Not like she has." It was the reason she'd become a Crow in the first place. Not because she was Grisha, or because Inej knew her. It was because Sia had been protecting him all his life as Kaz Brekker and he couldn't figure out why.

Feeling like he'd said too much, Kaz looked back to the fire, resting his head on his cane.

There was a long moment before Inej spoke again. "I can't go back to the Menagerie."

Kaz met her eyes with a sincere look. "You won't."

The two regarded one another for more than a moment as they shared an understanding. Still, Kaz could only be worried about one thing. He glanced behind him again at the stables before returning to his silent thoughts.

...

"How many are there?"

"Two. At least one of them will have to go tell a supervisor what they found." Kaz responded to Inej's question as the four of them laid crouched on the grass, observing two soldiers who had stumbled upon the train. The train they needed in order to get home.

Sia had gained a significant amount of health and color back overnight. Kaz would never have admitted it out loud or even to himself, but he was relieved that she was herself again and not dead at all. The first thing she had said when she woke up was 'that was an experience.' an annoyingly casual response to something that scared Kaz to death, though he'd never admit that either. Now they all laid on the grass under some wreckage, deciding what to do. Kaz was on the far right with Sia next to him, slightly shifted on her right side to keep her still fresh wound off of the ground.

"Not to be that person, Kaz, but are you sure you can drive that thing?" Jesper asked, unsure.

"Yeah, Kaz, I don't know." Sia spoke up too. "We barely survived the last time and that was with the conductor himself."

"Yes I can drive it." Kaz insisted, feeling defensive. "On the way to Kribirsk while Jesper was busy hugging bait..."

"Milo! The goat's name is Milo." Sia chuckled at Jesper's insistence.

"I was measuring Arken's timings."

Sia snorted in response. "Kaz I've literally never known you as someone who handles things this precisely."

"Not to gang up on you, but Sia and Jes have a point." Inej added. "Arken's system was complicated and the ride was chaotic. No one would blame you for missing a count.

Kaz's attention to Inej's words practically cut out after hearing the nickname. For some reason, it was weird and partially annoying. "Jes?" the judgment soaked through the word.

"It's Suli. for friendship." Jes said smiling and lightly shoving Inej over.

"No it's not." Sia jumped in with a small laugh.

Kaz had enough now. "Trust me. Arken and I think ali-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence because the loud explosion of the train interrupted his assurance for the team. Kaz didn't have to say out loud that they needed a new plan. He slowly just lowered his head in disappointment.

"Too soon to appreciate the irony, am I right?" Jes said but quickly noticed Kaz's expression and Sia's warning look. "Yeah, too soon."