OK, so its been exactly 3 days since I threw up.
I feel better but I have been being bullied outside of home.
I have also been going to the razor.
:'(
*back to reality*
"Hey bitch, miss me?" The boy that beat me up asked as I tried to speed away to the bus.
"Stay away from me!" I yelled and started to run.
"What?! Didn't you like the was I held you to the wall in the alley and hurt you? Didn't you like the blood that dripped from your nose?" He asked as he grabbed onto me and pulled me to him.
"No! Just... Stop!" I yelled and tried to pull away.
"Stop. There's no use. I'm gonna mess you up today. I feel extra strong..." He said and pushed me to the ground.
He sat on top of me and started to punch me.
*1hour later*
He got off of me and ran away.
I got up and covered my face, running to the bus.
I ran in and ran to the bathroom.
I washed off my face and took off my bloody clothes.
I grabbed y selection of razors and chose out my best one.
I slid it against the skin on my thigh and on my wrist.
After that, I jumped into the shower and washed all of the cuts.
I threw on long PJ pants and a plain black shirt.
I put on makeup to hide the marks on my face.
Then, I put on my bracelets and went to the living area with all the guys.
"Hey Lily." CC said. I smiled and sat on his layed down, putting my head on his lap.
"I'm tired." I said and started to play with my fingers.
"Then go to bed." He said and started to play with my hair.
"I don't wanna" I whined.
"Then, lay here and fall asleep." He said.
"Well, either way, I'm going to bed." He said, getting up and kissing my head.
"Ok, bye." I said and closed my eyes.
/// dream ///
"No! Don't!" I heard someone scream from the alleyway.
I ran and saw me. I saw me getting beat up.
There was the guy and his friends.
The guy was beating me up and his friends were just sitting there, laughing and recording a video.
"Do it!" His friends all yelled.
The guy started to try to pull off my pants and his friends tore off my shirt.
"No! Somebody! Help me!' I yelled.
I just hated this nightmare.
I had to sit there and watch myself get beat up and raped.
I couldnt even do anything.
/// end of dream ///
I jumped up and screamed.
Then, I saw a frightened Andy just standing there.
"Are you ok?" Andy asked.
"No..." I said and put my head in my hands, starting to cry.
"Here, come with me..." He picked me up and carried me to the guest bedroom.
"You can sleep with me." He smiled.
We just sat on the bed and talked all night.
:p
"So, why did you scream?" He asked.
"Nightmare." I said.
"What happened?" He asked.
"Things..." I said.
"Like what?" He asked.
"None of your business." I said.
"Ok..." He said.
"What happened to your face?" He asked.
With this I looked up at him with a confused look.
I ran to the bathroom and saw that my sweat washed away all the makeup.
I just saw my bruised face and started to cry.
I sat on the bed and cried on Andy's shoulder.
"Sh, its ok..." He said and sat me on his lap.
"Ok now, what happened?" He asked with a calming voice.
"I-i got beat up earlier..." I said in full on tears.
"By who?!" He asked obviously mad.
"I don't know... I had a nightmare that he beat me up then r-raped me..." I said.
"Oh my god... Just one question... Do you cut?" He said, his voice breaking.
I just looked up at him with a confused look.
"What?" I asked
"Well, if you cut, you could have cut to take away the pain. Here. Let me see your wrist." He said.
"No!" I said and pulled away my arm.
He looked shocked then slowly reached his hand to my arm.
I let him grab it knowing that he would end up winning this fight.
He pulled my arm straight and slowly pulled off my bracelets.
"Lily..." He said and saw a million scars.
"I-im sorry..." I said and got up, running out of the room.
