Trapped in his reality. #wattys2016

Chapter 19:Love makes no sense.

chapter 19: Love makes no sense.

previously on TIHR:
"cole... when we became.. well.. whatever we are, I thought we were able to trust each other. even with our pasts.
you're keeping something from me, and I don't know if I can be with someone knowing they are keeping a huge chunk of their life a secret.
you have already told me about your dreams.. so how can this be any worse?"
Cole looks conflicted, and it hurts me to see how hard it is for him to make this decision.
me or his secret.
I feel terrible asking him to make this choice, but
I can't be with someone who keeps secrets from me. I can't.

"I.. I just need some time, okay? please just give me some time."
Cole mumbles.
That means he's going to think about it, right?
I lean in and kiss Cole.
"thank you" I whisper.
********

"alright buddy, talk." I order
"I've known you for less than a year and already I have told you more about myself than i care to admit." Cole brushes his fingers through his hair
"let's start with jaden. What's up with him?" I ask honestly.
"okay"
Cole and I are currently sitting on my bed facing each other.
"for starters it's important that you know that my dad is the head of a major drug dealing business. Well, he was the head if a drug dealing business. hes currently in jail" Cole looks up at me to see my reaction.
I give him a small nod indicating that I'm listening.
"he is also a psychopathic murderer." Cole says, shrugging like it's no big deal.
And my mouth basically drops to the ground.
I can't not respond to that!

"you better not be shitting me, Cole!"

"do i look like I'm kidding? Anyways, he went after my mom and killed her because she left him. Not that he was ever home anyways.. By the time he got back my mom had been gone for weeks, so he tracked her down, and killed her." how is Cole not crying right now? How is he not fucking freaking out??? I know I am!!!
As if reading my mind, Cole answered my thoughts.
"Lexi, I've lived with this information for 12 years now. You get used to it." he informs me.
"I guess this kind of shows you how fucked up I am.. But the truth is the woman I once called mom had left me when I needed her most. My last memories of her are bad ones. It's no excuse, but it explains why I'm not as emotional as i supposedly should be. I was left alone in our big house. Alone Lexi. A six year old was left on his own to fend for himself. Two days and seven bags of potato chips later I realized she wasn't coming back, so I took a bus to my uncles house. My father's brother. My uncles name is John. His sons name is jaden."

"I thought jaden was your step brother, not your cousin" I interrupt.

"Jaden and I were raised together. he was like a brother to me, lexi. my uncle John, who was also in the drug dealing business, took me in and raised me as his son.
He wasn't a good guy either, but to me he was a father." Coles expression is changing. I can tell by the thin layer of moisture developing in his eyes. My heart is breaking as I listen to all that Cole has been through.
I almost want to say 'Stop! you don't have to tell me. it's fine, please don't cry'
but I don't.
if I stop him, he might be cer talk about it again.

"I lived with John, his wife and jaden. A year later Ginny was born.
Jaden and i are a year apart. And seven years ago you would never have seen brothers as close as we were. He was my brother, and best friend.
Both of us were homeschooled and raised so that when we were old enough we would be a threat to anyone who came our way.
It wasn't just just a drug business, It was my life.
We learned how to fight, shoot, torture and kill.
we were taught all about the different drugs and how to differentiate between our drugs and drugs from other businesses even when to most they would seem identical.

Jaden started training when he was much younger. This was his whole life. John would bring men who defied him into a room with jaden and i, and we would practice torturing the man until he would be on his knees, crying and begging us to stop.
Getting to practice on an actual person was like a field trip at school for us.
it was sick, lexi.
Jaden loved it. And John would praise him for the amount of skill he showed in that area. I had an incredible eye for shooting and throwing knives.
My aim was incredible at a very young age.
I knew exactly where to shoot or stab to paralyze a person, as well as kill.
My uncle praised me for my skills too.
There was never any jealousy between jaden and I.
until a few years later when i turned thirteen.