WITHOUT YOU

i saw her standing there

S9 E4

The clothes a surgeon wears help to present an imagine. The lab coats and badges and scrubs... All work together to indicate a person of authority... Someone you can trust. When the clothes come off, that's a different story. We're sensitive, vulnerable... Human... And just as prone to questionable judgement as anybody else.

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"Any questions?" The interns were gathered in the skills lab with Dr. Shepherd about to learn how to insert a subclavian central line. Cordelia was tired of hearing him talk, she had stayed the night at Meredith's wanting to spend time with her family. She missed having people to talk to.

Shane raised his hand hesitantly before speaking. "When you performed that transcranial resection of a clival chordoma in 2003, did you realise you'd become a major influence on surgeons around the world?"

"Any questions about central lines?" Dr. Shepherd asked again, the interns seemed to be unbothered. "Ok, look, I get that you went over this in med school, but as interns, you're gonna be asked to insert central lines every day. Do it incorrectly, and the patient could die."

"I could be watching a whipper right now" Stephanie turned towards Leah.

"I heard that Dr. Webber has a patient with scrotal lymphedema" Leah said catching Jo and Cordelia's attention. "Scrotal lymphedema?"

"Ladies" Dr. Shepherd interrupts.

"Dr. Shepherd, I have a question about central lines" Shane says.

"Great. Go ahead"

"In learning to insert your first central line, did you develop any of the skills that contributed to your influential clival chordoma resection in 2003?" Cordelia rolled her eyes.

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"I can't see anything" Cordelia said, the girls stood outside the patients room, the one with scrotal lymphedema. Leah had told them that they had to come see.

"You described them as so big a sheet couldn't cover them" Jo continued, they looked over at Leah disappointed.

"I may have exaggerated"

"Stupid" Cordelia mumbled before Meredith approached them.

"Ok ladies, this isn't a sideshow" Cordelia furrowed her eyebrows at Meredith as the girls turned to walk back to the skills lab.

"Mer" Cordelia whines.

"Lia" Meredith copies.

"Im staying over tonight" Cordelia rushes to follow her friends without hearing a response from Meredith who was smiling to herself.

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"Dr. Shepherd?" Jo asked raising her hand once he walked into the room. "Yeah?"

"We were wondering if instead of a lecture, we might be able to watch Dr. Grey remove that rare tumor" She continued.

"Dr. Grey is not removing a rare tumor" Dr. Shepherd said looking at the group.

"Yeah, she is"

"No, she's not"

"But she and Dr. brooks are in OR one right now" Leah told him, to which he quickly left the room.

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It might be hard for a surgeon to admit... But there's no shame in simply being human. It can be a relief to stop hiding... To accept who you really are and let the world see you that way, too. A little self-awareness never hurt anybody. Because when you know who you are... It's easier to know what you're about... And ultimately... What you really need.

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ok i know this is so short but its cause the ep was so boring, lowkey most of episode 9 is so boring but its ok guys were getting there. also can we appreciate the fact that i updated twice this week, i'm so happy