Finding Love In Ireland

Chapter 3

Author's note: This chapter has some trigger warnings. Self-harm, bad body image.

Jade pov

I am sitting on the ground in the shower with my head between my knees trying to calm my erratic breathing. The knife is by my side and I can see little droplets of blood dripping down onto the ground.

My wrists hurt from cutting myself. Tears flow down my cheeks and I can't seem to stop them. I wish I could shut down my mind just so I do not have to hear the negative thoughts running through my head.

I take deep breaths and force my head up. Leaning back I close my eyes and tilt my head back. I let the warm water soak my face hoping it will help relax me.

After a few moments I open my eyes and stare at nothing. I don't know how long I sat there but I finally stood up and reached out and turned the water off. Grabbing the towel off the rack I covered myself before stepping out.

I stop in front of the mirror and open the towel. I gaze at my naked body in disdain, before quickly recovering myself. I have always had a horrible body image, not that I though that I was overweight. I just don't find my body attractive.

This could be because my ex-boyfriend was always critical of the way my body looked or how I dressed. He often forced me to watch what I ate.

He never necessarily said I am fat but I was not skinny enough for him. My breasts were also too small for, he wanted me to get breast implants. I often worked out but he was never happy and often compared me to other women.

I know I shouldn't let what he has said in thr past get to me but I can't help but feel insecure about it.

Walking into my bedroom I go into the closet and grab a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I quickly get dressed and go back to the bathroom to brush my hair out.

I braid my hair and let it hang at my side. Then I brush my teeth and walk out of the bathroom turning off the lights.

Grabbing my phone off the cabnet and look through my contacts. I find Stuart's name and debate on whether if I should give him a call or a text.

After much deliberation I decide againts either. I am too shy to do such a thing, plus I just finished having a emotional breakdown, I don't think it would be a good idea at the moment.

I cannot be dependent on someone to help me through my mental breakdowns. Or use that as a excuse to talk to someone, not anyone would care that I am going through a hard time.

The only one that does care would be my mother. And I can't always be always calling her when things are going wrong with my life. I need to be able to work through things myself.

Breathing in a sigh I walk into the dining room and sit at my desk that is facing the window. Opening up my laptop I decide to work on the story I plan on writing. I needed something to distract my mind and focus on other things.

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Stuart is sitting with his friends at the pub with a cup of beer in front of him. They are chatting about what had been going on in their lives.

Mairead sat next to him on his right, the girl always had a crush on him but he never returned her affections, though he did like the attention.

"Have you met anyone?" Mairead asked nervously.

Stuart's mind went to Jade, the girl he could not stop thinking about. "Yes, I have actually."

Mairead frowned slightly but it quickly turned to a smile. "Male or female?"

"Female." Stuart said.

This caught the attention of his other two friends sitting across from him. Liam and Declan who have been his friends since childhood.

"What is her name?" Liam asked.

"Jade." Stuart said.

"Where did you meet her?" Declan asks.

"At the library." Stuart said.

"Did you get her number?" Mairead asks.

Stuart nodded. "Yes, but have not had the courage to call her."

"You should call her and ask her out." Declan says.

"I don't know, I am just shy about about these things." Stuart shrugs his shoulders. "Girls intimate me."

Liam sighs. "Call her. You never know, you might like her."

Stuart shakes his head. "But what if she rejects me?"

"Then you know and can move on with your life." Mairead says.

Stuart stares off into the distance going over what they have said to him. He then decides to give it a shot. He pulls out his phone and dials Jade's number. His friends lean forward eager to see what will happen.

The phone rings several times before she picks up.

"Hello." Jade says.

"Hi, Jade. This is Stuart." He says.

"What a pleasant surprise." Jade says. "How are you?"

"I am good." Stuart said. "How are you."

"I am well, thank you for asking." Jade said.

His friends give him a look wanting him to hurry things along. He playfully rolls his eyes at them.

"I am wondering if you would like to join me for a coffee date." Stuart asks.

"I would like that." Jade says. "Name the time and place."

"How about Friday at a Starbucks." Stuart said. "Maybe around 1:00."

There is a brief pause and he hears a shuffling of papers. He wonders if she is looking through her daily planner to see if she would be available.

"I can do that." Jade says. "Shall I bring a book for us to read?"

"That would be fine." Stuart said.

"I will see you then." Jade says.

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

Stuart hangs up the phone and receives compliments from his friends.

"Way to go!" Declan says.

"Who knows" Liam says. "She may end up becoming your girlfriend."

"Yea, she could be the one for you." Mairead says somewhat sadly.

Stuart smiles at his friends confidence in him. They wanted him to be happy and are the first few people were supported of him being bisexual. Other than his mom of course, but he told them before telling his parents. They loved and supported him, always encouraging him to be himself and he is extremely grateful for having them in his life

Author's note: Thank you for reading. Please feel free to let me know what you think. Oh, question. What do you think Jade looks like? I have a idea on what I want her to look like.