And If I say No!

3.0

*Two weeks later*

"I love you."

"No!"

"I want you."

"No!"

"Are we not going to talk about this?" I was trying to have a peaceful dinner; however, Luca was making this very difficult. For the past two weeks, he had been taking me to expensive dinners and showering me with unwanted gifts. Doesn't he realize I just needed space and time to think? It seemed that was something he chose not to understand.

"No, there is nothing to talk about." I picked through my food, not caring to eat it. I could barely pronounce its name, let alone appreciate its taste. In my eyes, this was a waste of time.

"Ezra, we need to talk about this." He looked at me with such intensity that it made me uncomfortable. I honestly didn't know what to feel towards him anymore. "I'm in love with you, and I would do anything for us to be together."

Placing my fork down, the silverware clinking onto my plate, I realized I had lost my appetite the moment I stepped foot inside this restaurant. "Can you just stop?" Frustration bubbled up inside me. "I feel so suffocated; you're always here. I can't seem to get away from you. How do you expect me to react? I can't think, and honestly, I'm tired." I stood from the table, throwing my napkin over my untouched food. "I'm ready to go."

"Let me pay for our food, and I will drive us home."

"No, I will find my own way home." I grabbed my purse from the table and began to walk out of the restaurant. The man at the door placed an overly expensive coat that Luca had bought me over my shoulders. I took out the gloves from my purse and put them on. As I stepped outside, the first snowflakes of the season began to fall, their beauty seemingly untouched.

Walking along the sidewalk, I felt truly alone. Nothing was going as planned; how could I have not seen this coming? Did he ever love Clarissa? Does he truly love me? I shouldn't have to question someone who says they love me, who says they value me. I never wanted his love, his attention, his anything. Clarissa has done nothing but been good to him, and here he is being unfaithful. I am the other woman, and I'm truly ashamed.

The cold air nipped at my face, the snow crunching beneath my feet as I walked. The city lights reflected off the snow, casting a soft glow on everything. I felt a lump in my throat, tears threatening to spill over. I pulled my coat tighter around me, the coat that symbolized everything I didn't want. How did I let myself get into this situation? How did I become the person I never wanted to be? Luca's words echoed in my mind, but they felt hollow. "I love you" shouldn't feel like a prison. "I want you" shouldn't make me want to run away. I needed to find clarity, to understand my own heart and mind. But tonight, all I wanted was to disappear into the quiet beauty of the falling snow and find a way back to myself.

Suddenly, a voice that I hadn't expected cut through the night. "Ezra!" I turned around, and tears that I had been holding back started to fall rapidly.

"Jae! What are you doing here?" I choked out, my voice barely above a whisper. I couldn't believe he was standing right in front of me, somehow, some way I had almost forgotten about him. With everything going on with Luca I felt like I no longer had any control. Seeing him only made me want to run into his arms and tell him how sorry I was, but would he even believe me if I told him what has been going on? I stood there, my fingers brushing my lower lip, feeling vulnerable and exposed.