Elle took a drag, staring at the duo conversing animatedly in front of her. The night was cold, the ground still wet from the rain earlier in the night, and she honestly wasn't in the mood for partying.
When she met Rowan it felt like a light at the end of the tunnel. She was so happy, so full of passion and kindness that it was hard not to fall in love with her on the spot. Phoebe had been pleasantly surprised with the revelation and always encouraged their relationship. They were picture perfect together.
Gracie Abrams had somehow managed to ruin her life again.
It was masochistic the way she craved her, the way she spent all of her waking hours thinking of long brown hair and those hazel eyes that made her knees weak. Elle would wake up in the middle of the night, the guilt of it all eating away at her inside, and she'd gaze over at her girlfriend sleeping peacefully and feel the need to sob. She'd feel the need to apologise over and over again, to kneel and beg for forgiveness until she couldn't anymore. It was easier to keep it from her.
Gracie was the worst thing to ever happen to her. The brunette had proven it time and time again. She was like a drug Elle couldn't quit, her absence leaving her shaking and aching for more, leaving her in ruin until she got her next fix.
The more she thought about her, the more she spiralled.
Rowan deserved to be worshipped, to be loved unconditionally until they were both no more, and all Elle could give her since seeing Gracie last week was fake smiles and sweet nothings she wasn't really sure she meant.
Her ex had somehow managed to turn her brain into mush with nothing more than a silent yet unexpected appearance. Whatever higher power she'd managed to insult was doing a good job at making the world a living hell.
Her girlfriend leant further into her embrace, explaining something about her work to Phoebe who stood across from them with a wide smile plastered onto her face.
"What's going on up there?" Rowan whispered, tapping lightly on the side of Elle's temple. She grinned, intertwining their hands.
"Not a lot." She murmured. She took another drag of her cigarette, watching the way the cloud of smoke surrounded them.
Phoebe laughed. "Never is."
Elle scowled. "Okay, dumbass." She rolled her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips when the pair both chuckled.
"Oh, fuck, I totally forgot." The blonde began with a gasp. "Taylor was asking about you."
Rowan furrowed her brow in confusion, but kept her mouth shut.
"Swift?" She flicked the ash from her cigarette. "What did she want?"
Elle loved Taylor. She always would.
"I'm not totally sure." She took a sip of her drink before continuing. "She just asked what your new number was."
Elle hummed.
"Wait, what?" Rowan laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. "I always forget you guys know Taylor fucking Swift."
"What can I say? You're dating someone who's often referred to as lesbian Jesus." Phoebe teased, relishing in the grimace on Elle's face.
"Yeah, yeah." She muttered, a reluctant smile on her face. She took the final drag of her cigarette, dropping it to the floor and stomping on it with her boot.
Rowan grinned. "So what would she want with you? A collab perhaps?"
"Nope," Elle sighed. "She probably wants to sit in on me and Phoebe in the studio again." She shrugged, taking her cup back from the blonde. "Taylor just works in weird ways. It's how she is - always up to something."
"You could say that again." Phoebe mused.
Rowan shuddered slightly in the cold, tugging at Elle's sleeve before she spoke. "Do you guys wanna go back in? It's fucking freezing."
As if she'd been summoned, Elle felt her phone buzz in her jacket pocket. "Yeah, yeah. You guys go ahead. I think Taylor just messaged."
The pair exchanged amused glances before heading inside, their laughter and chatter fading as they disappeared back into the club. Elle fumbled with pulling out her phone, leaning on the brick behind her.
unknown number: hey! can we talk?
She took a sip of her drink before typing out a response.
elle: who is this ?
The typing bubble appeared and then disappeared a few times before a message finally came through.
unknown number: call me.
Elle sighed, tapping the phone icon at the top of the screen and pressing it against her ear. It rang once, then twice, before someone picked up.
"Hello?" She breathed, tipping her head back until it made contact with the wall.
No response.
"It's Taylor right? Phoebe told me."
She heard some muffled arguing on the other end, before a voice finally came through.
"Hey, hi." Someone rasped out. "Sorry, it's not Taylor."
Elle frowned. "Who is it?"
There was a sigh on the other end. "It's Gracie. Can we talk?"
She froze, her heart pounding in her chest. Every emotion she'd been trying to drown out came back at once. A mix of anger, longing and guilt stabbed her in the stomach. She took a deep breath. "Gracie? What do you want?"
"Are you busy? I know it's late I just... I need to see you."
Elle thought of Rowan and her warm embrace and the way she would smile so easily. "I don't know, I- Where are you?"
"I'm at home."
The word home made her sick. It was once their home after all. Her eyes glanced around, her ears became hyper focused on the pulsing music inside. "You know what? Fine. I'll be there in 30."
Elle couldn't stay clean forever.
