the drive home was slow and uneventful. we barely spoke so much as i slept my head flat against the window showing passerbys my deformed and squished face. it seemed to take hours to get home. i was in my car and jason in the drivers seat.
when we finally stopped i looked up to see the front of my driveway my parent's car gone. as usual. jason got out of the car and looped around to open the door of my side. he helped me up out of the seat that semed too short and into the cold Maine winter air. i felt my skin get hard and the color fading from white as paper to blue and purple. when we reached the door i threw it open and pulled jason into the entrance hall of my tiny cluttered house. we walked back down the hallway and into my bedroom.
"coffee?" i asked walking to the coffee pot i hid in my closet.
"you have a coffee pot in your room?" he asked admirably.
"i cannot live without coffee, sorry but if you want some i dont do decaf" i said sarcastically.
"neither do i" he said
"cool! buttered toffee or morning blend?" i asked
"what?"
" i just bought this little thing isnt it cute!, its the new travel one that people use when they go to college and you get these cups that have different flavors of coffee and you press the brew button!" i said so excited.
"hmmmm..... i think im gonna go with the morning blend" he said putting his fingers to his chin as if stroking his non-existent beard.
"k" i made out coffee, well my foo-foo coffee with as much creamer as there is coffee and jason drank his black. i felt more awake and a ware after half a cup of coffee. good maybe i was getting better.
me and jason took a go at our homework and finished really fast! well he finished fast i had to get most of the math answers from him and he had to get the history from me. we both sighed simutaniously as we did out last problem and slumped back on the bed. then he looked at me.
he looked me over, my already pale skin getting more and more colorless by the minute.
"charolette" he said "your turning purple!" he exclaimed lifting up my frail arm.
"ya i do that. wierd huh?" i said laughing at his reaction to my color changing skin. didnt everybody's do that? maybe not. i should see a doctor about that. anyway. his expression turned ammused at my calmness. then his expression changed again into fear and embarrasment. his changing emotion and just the presence of HIM intoxicated me. i loved him and didnt know why. it was so easy to be with him and so east to want to touch him and listen to him speak forever. this overwhelemed me. i felt my eyes widen.
"i'll be right back" i said abrubtly i walked out of my room leaving the door open, i felt his eyes on by back and took a sharp turn into the hallway bathroom. i sat on the toilet with my head in between my knees and tried to stop hiperventilating. i wanted to kiss him. i wanted him to kiss me. i dont know how long i sat there pondering my future which seemd so stupi knowing i was only a sophmore in highschool. no matter how i pictured my future he was in it. i made my decision.
i opened the door and walked silently back down the hallway. when i got to my room i didnt see him until i turned to my left and saw him engrossed in a book. that book looked very familair. the black fuzzy pages the key in my door hook...........
"oh my god your reading my diary" i said bluntly totally embarrassed. i remember what i had been writing in my diary just last night about how much i wanted to kiss him i even described how he looked through my eyes. it was private "boy" stuff and the boy i was writing about was reading my dirty little secrets. he turned and smiled at me mockingly. "i cant beleive you read my diary. you didnt see.....? did you?" i asked closing my eyesand backingmyself up against the wall to embarassed to even look at him. but i was afraid if i opened my eyes he would be gone. when i finally built up the courage to open my eyes he was inches from my face. his sweet breathe swirling around my nose.
"i think its cute" he whispered onto my lips. if i had to die anytime soon i would have done it right here right now. this is how i wanted to die. with Jason kissing me.
"wawahat...?" i stuttered loosing focus his blue eyes staring into mine.
"you have really pretty eyes" he said repeating the words he said when we first met.
"you too" i repeated my old words breathlessly.
then he pressed his lips to mine. we both sighed like we had both wanted to do that for a very long time, but im sure it was just me. i kissed him back with all the passion i had felt for him the past few weeks that we had known eachother all those times after school i wish it were him sitting on my bed holding my hand. he kissed me back the same way i had with the same feeling. kissing him the second time was defiantly better. he wanted me (if that was possible) and i wanted him. (if that was ever inevitable)
he fianlly broke the kiss and left me dizzy and breathless. i slumped against the wall and fell to my knees puttting my head between my knees like i did in the bathroom. i just admitted it. he knew how i felt about him and i was about to discover how he felt about me.
"wow. ive been waiting to do that for weeks!" i said smiling feeling triumphant.
"now i finally know i can" he said smiling back at me. i smiled at him took his hands and he sat on my bed across from me.
"how?" i asked him, hopefully wanting him to know what i meant.
"easy" he said and lightly kissed me on the lips again and the was back in sitting position.
"stop doing that!" i said smiling still. he looked at me with a huge question mark on his beautiful tan face. "do you want me to stay consious? you cant do that without warning me" i said laughing.
"do you like me?" he asked abrubtly but earnestly.
"you read my diary didnt you? i really like you" i said being straight about it blushing furiously.
"ya i did" he said smiling and laughing sarcastically.
"i dont think its funny, rather embarrasing really" i said looking down and playing with my fingers.
"how do you see me that way?" he asked me taking my hand and looking intently into my eyes. i stared back.
"have you looked in a mirror?" i asked jokingly but keeping me face straight. "how can you even kiss me?" it wasnt a joke i was so not pretty and he was unbeleivably gorgeous and didnt belong with me.
"easy" he said again but staying where he was. i was confused he read it in my face.
"i have a confession to make" he said looking down and playing with my fingers. "i dont just like you, this may sound absolutly craxy cause ive known you for 3 weeks but charollete,"
" i love you" i finished for him smiling and for the firsttime kissing him. i was for sure in love. and maybe just maybe he was too.
