Five Weeks to Forever [BxB] (WILL NEVER BE FINISHED)

Chapter 10.

Holy shit.

This was it.

Friday night. The big party at Matthew's house. My chance to finally get closer to him than ever before.

And Jesus fuck, I was not ready.

I'm pretty sure I could've personally supplied a Bath and Body Works lotion stock with the sheer amount of sweat that was sliding down my skin, only amplified by the pair of tight jeans and oversized knit sweater I was wearing. It definitely wasn't overly fashion forward, but that wasn't my knack- it was Eloise's.

Who, conveniently, had ditched me in favor of attending one of his dress rehearsals for the play he was in.

Which means I was all alone, both in attendance of this party and in my current fashion statement.

That doesn't mean I hadn't talked to him today- in fact, the two of us had an.. Interesting conversation earlier, to say the least.

"You what?" I had to pull the phone away from my ear from how loud Eloise was yelling at me through the speaker. "You just got up and left? What the fuck, Elli? Who does that? What happened?"

"God, my ear." I snapped back, before sighing and rubbing the bridge of my nose, feeling a headache began to take form there. "I- I don't know, man. I just.. Everything became overwhelming and.. I felt out of place, like I didn't belong.. Like.."

Like I wasn't good enough for him.

The unspoken words were audible to both of us, and the line became quiet for a moment where I assumed Eloise was either thinking hard or taking a shit.

It was impossible to tell with him.

"Listen, Elli, you just got a case of the jitters, that's all." He said finally after a long pause.

"The jitters?" I raised a brow.

"Yea! Happens to everyone. You get nervous and everything feels like it's too much, all at once. It's like a panic attack, but for gay people."

I wrinkled my nose, giving my phone a weird look as if I could telepathically send it to him.

"Can't gay people get normal panic attacks?"

"Well, yea, but the jitters are exclusive to the homos." He stated matter-of-factly. "Trust me, Elliot, I practically have a degree in the human psyche with how much surfing I do on Tumblr each night."

"Ooookay.." I shook my head. "So, what should I do, then?"

"About what?"

"The party tonight." I said. "I mean, should I still go? We haven't spoken since I ran out on him on Wednesday. What if he's angry at me?"

Or, I thought with a grimace. What if he still feels bad about that whole almost-kiss thing we shared?

Which, despite us practically being attached at the hip, I still hadn't told Eloise about. Why? Well.. to be honest, I still didn't really know myself. I didn't keep anything from Eloise, we were like open books to each other.

So why this?

Maybe it was because, at least for a little while, I wanted to keep that shared moment between us. Maybe I was scared that if I told Eloise, that magical spell it seemed to have on me would break, and it would all turn out to be one big dream, or something.

Whatever the reasoning was, for right now, I kept my mouth shut as I listened to Eloise continue to jabber on about something else.

"Hell no," He snorted. "What are you, some kind of little bitch?"

"Hey!"

"My point is, you can't run now. You've been working at this for too long, and have come such a long way. If you give up now, then what's the goddamn point of anything!" I heard a loud smack, as if Eloise had slammed his fist on something. "Ow. Anyways, no. You have to go. You have to see this all the way through to the end, do you hear?"

I sighed, smiling a little, feeling a bit better with his dumb little pep rally.

"Aye aye, captain." I said.

"Good." He paused. And then, "Plus, If I have to see that gross longing look you keep giving him across the hall, like you're fucking Meredith Grey looking at Shepard, I might actually spill my guts out onto the floor from disgust."

"Wow. Okay." I scoffed. "But.. I'm just nervous, Eloise. You won't be there, I'll be all on my own, and you know who all will be there."

Not that he needed any reminding. This party was bound to be chalked full of the highschools most popular, athletic, and shittiest parts of the student body. The jocks and cheerleaders were the ones I was most scared about.

How was I supposed to know they wouldn't all fucking jump me the minute I stepped foot in the house? They did it at school, what would stop them here?

Matthew will. I told myself, but somehow, I didn't really feel convinced.

"You'll be fine." Eloise's voice drawled in my ear again. "Just keep your chin up, look them in the eyes, and don't let them intimidate you."

"Aren't those the rules of the jungle, or something?"

"Same fuckin' thing."

A loud bump of bass from a music change drew me back into the present, reminding me that I was still standing outside of Matthew's house, probably looking like a complete loser.

Which wasn't much different from normal, really.

"Alright," I muttered to myself, rubbing the palms of my hands on the sides of my jeans to try and get the sweat off. "Just like Eloise said. Head up, eyes forward, walk like you belong." I told myself, trying to gain some form of confidence.

Against the protest of every single atom in my body that begged me to turn around and go home, I marched forward, put my slightly quivering hand on the doorknob, turned it, and thrust it open.