Double Twenty

CHAPTER 5 - Return to Innocence (Enigma)

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." – Marcel Proust

As soon as Julien steps across the threshold of his family home, the morning breeze seizes him, a refreshing coolness that abruptly yanks him from the comfort of the familiar. His footsteps echo on the cobblestone paths of still-sleeping alleys, where every street corner awakens a buried reminiscence. The world seems immobile, suspended in silent anticipation, as he navigates between fragmented memories, attempting to piece together the image of a past that still eludes him. One question haunts him, emerging from the dawn's mist: is he still the man he was, or something entirely new?

In his memories, twenty-year-old Julien has not yet assumed the role of the seducer he later worked so hard to become. On the contrary, he is seen as a calm young man who prefers contemplating nature over carnal conquest. Between his circle of friends, the reassuring affection of his family, long hours spent in university halls, and escapes to the ocean, he lives a simple and unpretentious youth. However, as he retraces the shores of his past, certain certainties are tinged with new shadows and lights. A destabilizing introspection, revealing nuances in his character, traits of youth he might have overlooked or embellished, pushes him to question not only the veracity of his memories but also the underlying motivations that guided his choices. These reflections reveal a growing chasm between the idealized image of his youth and the emotional complexity of the adult he has become. This duality gnaws at him, offering both melancholy for what was and curiosity to rediscover who he truly is.

The facades of neatly aligned houses are bathed in the golden morning light. In the continuous background, the gentle murmur of nature contributes to this feeling of wonder. It is as if, for a moment, time has suspended, offering Julien the opportunity to rediscover his heritage from a new angle, enriched by all the experiences gained over twenty-seven years. With renewed curiosity and a light heart, Julien continues on his way. This return to his roots, far from being a mere regression in time, promises to be a fascinating exploration of what it truly means to be himself. It is an invitation to redefine his place in the world, armed with the wisdom of age and the carefreeness of youth. The purchase of L'Équipe at a tobacco-press bar that closed in 2004 due to lack of customers confirms what he already knows: Thursday, April 5, 1997.

Julien savors this unexpected opportunity, a gift from fate. Every step he takes, every smile exchanged with passersby, becomes a celebration of this rediscovered youth. He delights in every moment, eager to fully relive this period and perhaps, finally, realize some suspended dreams. He is 20 years old. 20 years old! A new energy animates his movements, a particular gleam illuminates his eyes. An old lady, shopping bag in hand and a scarf on her head, stops to look at him intently. Julien's radiant smile is so contagious that it seems to light up her face marked by the years. She, who has lived eight decades, cannot help but smile back, as a witness to a pure joy she hasn't seen in a long time.

Through the contrasting landscape of the village, where modernity brushes against the traditional, Julien rediscovers his old playground. Every street corner, every house tells him a familiar story, an anecdote forgotten. Here, at the crossroads where he grew up, weaving an indissoluble bond with this corner of Gironde. Memories flood back, painting pictures of his free and carefree adolescence, of escapades in the forest and first loves by the Arcachon basin. Without the constant distraction of his smartphone, he rediscovers the simple pleasure of walking, rejoicing in the familiar landscapes passing by more quickly thanks to his regained legs, finally reconnecting with himself away from the incessant buzz of the digital world.

It is now time to consider his strategy, to make use of the remaining minutes before meeting Loïc and the others. Stéphane, Cyril, JF, Tonio. He meticulously weighs the pros and cons of his current situation. The feeling of having been catapulted into the past with the maturity and experiences of his adult age places him before a unique dilemma: how to use this acquired knowledge without distorting the essence of what it means to be twenty? It is a heavenly gift to be able to do things differently, to seize missed opportunities, but also potentially a risk, to get lost in the labyrinth of "what could have been."

As he approaches Loïc's house, a mix of emotions overwhelms him, apprehension about his reaction upon seeing his rejuvenated friends, without wives or children, and the fear of no longer finding his place. This return to the roots is also a test, the test of being able to combine his past and present in a precarious balance, to relearn to live with a lost innocence. Julien still feels cramped at his parents' house. Independent since he was 25, the thought of having to conform again to household rules while playing the role of a child gives him a feeling he thinks is foreign to his character. More. He wants more, not in an excessive or uncontrollable way but enough to procure comfort, independence, and some vintage objects, especially those he has sometimes acquired at a high price, particularly in recent years, and that he covets now. In his student room, for example, there are only practical, useful, functional items. No television, no game console, no branded clothes or trendy sneakers. He misses these little material things to fulfill him. Julien also has his American dream. Every year since he was 30, he has spent fifteen days, a month, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends, discovering the New World. East Coast, West Coast, wilder regions, basketball games, visits to national parks or attractions, monuments. He is totally fascinated and in love with the land of freedom where anything is possible for anyone. Meanwhile, he mentally organizes his priorities:

List 1: The girls: Those he was interested in but couldn't materialize with. Those he met at that time, but knew biblically later, and especially the one most important to him, his true love from 1997 to 2000, Marie. An unpleasant feeling. Everything should have gone well in that relationship, yet it didn't. Why?

List 2: Lifelong friends: Loïc, Stéphane, JF, Tonio, Alex, will he tell them where he comes from and what they have become?

List 3: Places: Cestas, Bordeaux, University, Ocean, Stadium. Basque Coast. Paris?

List 4: Means of communication: Minitel, landline, limited-plan mobile phone, early Internet computer.

List 5: Means of transportation: Car, moped stored in the barn, mountain bike, train, plane

List 6: Resources: 6500 Francs in a youth savings account, odd jobs, and family gifts.

Objectives: Find Matthieu. Clearly, he can't stay in this situation forever without him, and he's also curious to know if what Matthieu said about his past is true. Plus, he's a Parisian, which could be useful, not to mention the risk factor, the temporal distortions. Hopefully, he hasn't already caused any damage... Discover why and how he has returned to the past and if it's reversible or not. Influence his situation if necessary. Invest, use his knowledge of the future to improve his condition...

He stops reflecting. Loïc's house is the same but whiter, less weathered and worn. Another important point to add to the list, he is unbeatable on sports results. A little inner voice tells him this could come in handy at some point... if he stays in 97. Suddenly, his smile turns into a doubtful frown. Is the process reversible? Will he wake up tomorrow morning in the future, in his present, having to resume the normal course of time? He must enjoy this day to the fullest, just in case.