Double Twenty

Chapter 16 - No Surprises (Radiohead)

"The memory is the perfume of the soul." ― George Sand

The moon casts abstract shapes on the ceiling of his teenage bedroom. After taking Marie home, the day at the beach had awakened in Julien deeply buried sensations, tinged with the sweet bitterness of things lost and perhaps found again. He gets up and rummages through a drawer to find his old Discman. He adjusts the headphones and inserts OK Computer by Radiohead, the first notes of "No Surprises" beginning to play, the poignant melody accompanying the whirlwind of his thoughts.

Sitting at his desk, he opens his planner, scattering the lists and notes he has taken lately in front of him. This structured framework has always provided him with a sense of security, but now, he wonders what use it can serve him. If his stay in the past is permanent, should he really return to the lecture halls, listening to forgotten lessons? How long can he keep up the pretense? The day had gone almost normally, but what about the ones to come? He needs to rationalize, not succumb to confusion, and for that, he knows only one method: list and analyze.

Reexamining the past: The day with Marie... precious memories resurface, altered by experience. Should I let these new moments replace the old ones? My heart says yes, my reason hesitates.

The paradoxes of time: Each change in my past creates a ripple that resonates through my life. What kind of man will I be tomorrow if I change today?

The fragility of certainties: At twenty, everything seems clear. At forty-seven, I know that life is full of nuances. What certainties am I willing to redefine?

He writes with increasing intensity, each word a further step into his inner labyrinth. The music from his Discman, this tangible link to the past, plays a soothing role, his youth's songs becoming the soundtrack of his introspection.

After finishing writing, Julien remains thoughtful, absorbed by the duality of his feelings. The night's silence is broken by the distant sound of a car, a reminder that the outside world continues to turn, indifferent to his dilemma.

Deciding that the night is too laden with thoughts to let himself sleep, he gets up, takes a jacket, and steps out to walk under the stars. Perhaps the fresh air will bring him new perspectives, or perhaps he will find something—or someone—to help him navigate this temporal labyrinth he has accidentally opened.