Unnatural Instinct: Alone

13.

You suddenly feel nervous. You don't know this man. You hardly know him at all.

So? He's still better than Tate. He's much better than your father.

But he's still a man.

'Sorry.' You clear your throat.

He nods awkwardly and shuffles away, giving you space. It's dark now and you can hardly see him. You shiver away from his warmth. He notices and abruptly begins to build another fire. You help him, trying to learn from what he does.

Soon, hot bright flames are throwing light against the walls, making the shadows dance. You shuffle in close, hands raised up against the heat. Things have turned awkward and you're both having trouble looking at each other. Conversation has become difficult. Lance seems to be withdrawing back into himself.

'I like you, Lance.'

He lifts up his head. 'I like you too.'

'I want you ... I want you to sleep with me tonight. I don't want you to sleep on the floor like you did before.'

He doesn't say anything, though his eyes have gone wide and they're flashing against the flames. The flickering light turns his permanent sneer into a grotesque snarl.

You won't deny that you're a little excited and nervous and confused as you prepare for bed.

'Aren't you cold?' you ask, shivering, as you crawl beneath the pelts.

He's not even wearing a shirt. 'No.'

You're both lying at opposite ends of the bedding so you're not touching. It's uncomfortable and going to make sleeping difficult. The awkwardness turns the air cold between you.

You reach out your hand and he takes it. You move in first. Lance wriggles in closer. You pull him into you, tucking your head beneath his chin. He wraps his arm tightly around you.

You're tired but the burn in your hips is keeping you awake. Lance remains awake too. He's warm and hard, yet soft, something you can cling onto. He makes you feel safe. Out here, in the woods with the bears, you've never felt so safe.

Eventually, you fall asleep.

The next time you wake, daylight is pouring in through the smoke hole. The fire has well and truly burnt out. You're still tucked in Lance's arms. Did you move at all last night? You can't tell if he's asleep and you're afraid to wake him.

Soon, your hunger pangs start to annoy you. The urge to urinate makes you bite down on your lip. Finally, Lance stirs. His breath catches. He stiffens.

'Good morning,' you speak into his throat.

'Good morning,' he croaks in his gravelly voice.

You pull back to look into his face. His eyes are thick with sleep and filled with astonishment. It makes you smile. 'Sleep well?'

'K-kind of.' He winces.

'What's wrong?'

He shakes his head.

'What's wrong?'

He closes his eyes against something that's clearly causing him pain. You grab his shoulder. He yelps and pulls away. He sits up, tugging a pelt across his lap. His face is bright red.

'What's wrong?'

He's fiddling with the pelt and keeps it firmly across his lap.

'Oh.' You sit up alongside him. 'I told you. It's normal.'

He looks away.

'Have you had any sleep at all?'

Again, he doesn't answer. He doesn't need to. His eyes are all puffy and there's a drag to his cheeks. Twisting your mouth, you bunch up close. He tries to pull away but you lay your hand upon his.