School is nothing but a cesspool of despair, bullies, and body odor. Lots And lots Of body odor.
So, when I was in Kindergarten, I could already read chapter books. Big brain over here. Everybody else was jealous *flips hair*
And my kindergarten class had a thing where a student would be "crowned" Student of the Week *trumpet fanfare*! You could only get it 3 times.
And I got it 3 times in a row! (Every week)
Now, being crowned Student of the Week *trumpet fanfare* meant you got to take the class's mascot, Fuzzy Wuzzy (yes that was his name) home with you over the weekend and do fun stuff. So I took him to the park. And one of the kids at the park looked at him and decided to throw him across the playground! FOR NO FREAKING REASON! LIKE, WHY THE HECK DID HE DO IT!? DOES HE NOT LIKE BEARS!? WAS HE A BULLY!? So, using my dectective skills I decided to slyly ask him why he did that. It went smthn like..."*sniffle* W-why did you do that? *bursts into tears*"
Nah, I'm just kidding. I grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back. HE WAS THE SAME AGE AS ME, DON'T WORRY!
Uhhhh
Anygays...
I ran across the playground, grabbed Fuzzy Wuzzy, and went back home. But while I was in the car, I noticed that Fuzzy Wuzzy...WAS MISSING AN EYE!
(Dun dun DUNNNN)
THIS KID THREW THE STUFFED BEAR SO HARD THAT HIS EYE RIPPED OUT!
I told my mom to drive back to the park and I looked everywhere for it
But I couldn't find it!
And the kid was gone!
SO I COULDN'T KILL--
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SO I COULDN'T TELL HIM WOT HE DID!
Anygays...when I got home, I was ashamed. I stared at Fuzzy Wuzzy with guilt and regret.
My mom: Oh, lemme play you a sad song on the world's smallest violin!
Me: Mom, this is serious!
My mom: I know. This really is the world's smallest violin.
Me: ...
(If you don't get that reference, you have lost all respect from me)
~~~
In the middle of fourth grade, I transferred schools. And everyone in my class HATED ME! But this one kid... This One Kid
Ya know wot he did?
He
Tried
To
Kill me
This Little kid Tried to kill me He was 7 7 years old
And stabbed a pencil into my leg Choked me against a wall And choked me from behind
He was 7 years old
He threw stuff at me Tried to choke me with a seatbelt And other stuff
So ya know wot the teachers did?
"Told him not to do that and expel him?"
Haha, NO!
"Suspend him?"
Nope.
"Tell him hurting people was wrong?"
Neine.
"Then wot did they do?"
...abosolutely nothing.
They did NOTHING! They just looked at him and went, "Oh, Jacob"
WHY ARE ALL JACOBS JERKS!?
EVERY JACOB THAT I HAVE MET HAS BEEN A JERK TO ME!
(No offense to any of you who are named Jacob, just in my experience people named Jacob are jerks)
"Onyx, I know that he tried to kill you and all...but...shouldn't you respect his privacy?"
He 👏🏻 tried 👏🏻 to 👏🏻 kill 👏🏻 me 👏🏻 and 👏🏻 STABBED 👏🏻 ME 👏🏻 WITH 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 FREAKING 👏🏻 PENCIL
