Feigned Marriage

chapter 16

Sky's POV

I stare up at the house as I try to gather the courage to go in. I shouldn't have let james words rattle me, but I did. He got to me, because he's right. I knew exactly what I was doing when I chose to take his place. Had I stayed away, Grandma Anne would no doubt have given James yet another chance. I was selfish and took a risk. Did I make the wrong choice?

I inhale deeply and steel myself as I walk into the house. I'm scared to face P'pai, knowing there's a chance I'll find some truth in his words if I confront him. I feel like I've built a house of cards, and at any moment, everything will come crashing down on me.

"Sky?" P'pai looks at me with clear concern in his eyes. "You're home late today. I've been calling you. Where have you been?"

I force a smile and shake my head. "I've just been working late, that's all." I hesitate. "I've got a headache, P'pai. I'm heading to bed."

He walks up to me and grabs my shoulders, holding me in place as his gaze roams over my face. My heart starts to ache when he gently brushes my hair out of my forehead. Is any of this real? Is he pretending because he thinks it's the right thing to do? Am I just an obligation to him?

I bite down on my lip harshly, but I can't hold back my tears. I look away as a tear drops down my cheek. I expected P'pai to panic, or to demand an explanation for my agony, but he just takes me into his arms and threads his hand into my hair. I burst into tears in earnest and bury my face against his neck. Sobs tear through my throat, and he tightens his grip on me, as though he's trying to hold me together when I fail to do so myself.

"You're breaking my heart, Cupcake. I'm immune to everyone's tears but yours. You've got me ready to fall to my knees and beg you to tell me what I can do to make it all better." I shake my head, unsure of what to say. Even if I tried, I doubt the words would come out. How do I explain that a thousand fears have consumed me? How do I explain that guilt unlike anything I've ever felt before is nipping at my soul, and despite that, I'd do it all over again if it means having this with him?

P'pai leans down and lifts me into his arms, his steps resounding through the hallway as he carries me to our bedroom. He sits down at the edge of the bed and keeps me in his lap as he moves his hand over my back soothingly. It all just makes my heart break even further.

"Sky," he whispers, sounding pained. I sit up in his lap and wipe away my tears as best as I can. I can't keep hiding. I can't keep drowning in my pain - not if it's of James making.

"James came to my office today." He tenses and locks his jaw, his expression unreadable.

"P'pai... did you... d-did you give him my wedding ring?" His eyes widen, and he cups my cheeks tenderly.

"Baby," he whispers. "I swear to you that it's nothing like what you might be thinking. He asked for it, and I gave it to him because I didn't want it to continuously remind you of him. And to be honest, ky, I didn't want to hang onto something like that. I sent him mine too. I have no need for either of them."

He strokes my cheek with the back of his fingers, his gaze pleading, as though he needs me to believe him. "It kills me," I whisper. I reach for him and trail a finger over his temple, too scared to ask the questions I need answers to. "The guilt, the pain. It's all too much, P'pai. Did I make the wrong decision? Does a small part of you despise me for walking down that aisle instead of staying away? Do you resent me for standing between James and you?"

He opens his mouth to answer, but I place my index finger against his lips, silencing him. "Don't," I whisper. "I don't have the courage to listen to your answers, P'pai. I'd rather let my fears eat me alive than hear you confirm james insinuations. I don't think I can survive hearing you say that a small part of you still loves him. I'm scared that you'll pity me and you'll tell me everything I want to hear without meaning a single word. I'm scared that everything between us truly is just a duty for you. I won't survive you discarding me for her."