Feigned Marriage

chapter 11

Sky's POV

No matter what I do, I can't get last night out of my mind. The way he touched me... he knew exactly what he was doing to me as he massaged my thighs. What would have happened if I'd just turned around? Would he have taken my body the way I've fantasized he would? I bite down on my lip as I think back to the way he teased me. He played my body expertly, slowly pushing me further and further while pretending to do nothing but massaging, until I couldn't hold on anymore.

I run a hand through my hair, trying my best to keep my mind off P'pai and failing miserably. With each passing day, I crave him more. A soft knock sounds on my door, and I look up in surprise. "Sky?" A chill runs down my spine when James walks into my office. "Hi," he says softly. He hesitates for a moment before walking over to the seat in front of my desk. He sits down opposite me and smiles.

"Hi," I repeat, my response delayed.
James looks exhausted and heartbroken, more so than I've ever seen him look before, and it fills me with overwhelming guilt.

"I'm sorry," he says, his voice so soft that I nearly missed it. "I... I should've come to see you sooner, ky. I haven't been in a good state of mind recently. I guess it took me a bit of time to think everything through, you know? When I walked away from Pai, I just... I guess I didn't quite realize what I was doing. I'd postponed the wedding so many times, and I'd gotten away with it. I thought it'd be the same this time."

I look down at my lap and inhale deeply. "But it wasn't."

"No," he says. "It wasn't."

I force myself to look up and face his. "I told you, jam. I begged you to reconsider."

"I know. I know, ky. What do you want me to say? That you were right?"

I shake my head and look away. "No, James. Of course not."

"You're mad at me too, aren't you?" I bite down on my lip and shake my head.

"I was, initially. Now? I don't even know how I'm feeling now. I guess I'm just hurt and disappointed. You may have broken P'pai heart, james, but you broke mine too. You didn't listen to any of my concerns and played with my life without any regard for my wishes and dreams. Do you have any idea how used and manipulated I feel? You're my big brother. You're the one person in this world that's supposed to look out for me, yet you never did. Never."

"sky, you know that isn't true. Wasn't I the one who got you your first modeling gig?"
I look him in the eye and smile in disbelief.

"No, james. All you did was bring me with you to one of your premieres. I was scouted and signed without any endorsements from you."

He sighs and waves his hand. "You wouldn't have been there without me, but forget it. That isn't the point. I'm just trying to say that I do try to look out for you in my own way."

I shake my head. "Not everything can always be your way. You don't get to decide whether I feel like you're there for me."

"So you are mad at me." his tone is accusatory, and I shake my head in defeat. Why do I even bother?

"Why are you here?" he looks around my office and smiles. "The last time I was here, I was trying on my wedding suit. I didn't even get to wear it in the end."

I grit my teeth and look away. Just thinking about his suit is bittersweet to me. I put so much love and work into his wedding suit, yet wearing it brought me so much pain.

James looks at me with an insincere smile on his face. "I bet it looked beautiful on you, though."

I stare at the design in front of me, unsure how to even reply to that. Just seeing him makes me feel conflicted. It reminds me that every moment I share with P'pai should've been his.