Discordant Note: Crescendo | TBATE

Chapter 185: Lance Artifacts

Arthur Leywin

I drifted on eddies of thought, allowing time to myself in the aftermath of my battle with Uto. I lounged against Sylvie's body, thinking happy thoughts for the barest moments. My bond's rhythmic breathing added a therapeutic cast to my deepest subconscious.

I let myself think of what might be after the war. When all the violence and killing and grim darkness was gone.

Unbidden, an image of Tess popped into my mind. Older, perhaps, but still just as beautiful. And as I found my dream self staring into her shy, turquoise eyes, I found myself wanting to pull away. I couldn't afford such thoughts. Couldn't afford to let myself... To let myself want happiness.

But after the hellish battle I'd just gone through and the heart-stopping arrival of Scythe Seris, I felt that I had earned something like this. To remind myself exactly what I fought for.

The phantom image of Tess laughed at something I'd just said, her smile bright enough to light up the world. She glanced up at me shyly, her pale cheeks dusted with just a hint of red. She stepped closer to me, and suddenly, we were chest-to-chest. I felt my own heartbeat rise, and even within this dream, I could feel the heat of her own heart just near mine.

She stood on her toes, closing her eyes as she tilted her head upward. Her long lashes quivered as her blush deepened.

Can I have this? I thought as I felt my consciousness slipping away further, growing more and more immersed in the dream. Can I ever have this without becoming too selfish, willing to throw it all away for a simple kiss?

Just before our lips brushed, Tess was ripped away from me. I felt the sudden lack of warmth deep within my soul, feeling as if I had been thrust unclothed into a winter storm.

I faced a mirror image of myself. The former me stared back, an unnerving void within his eyes. King Grey's emotions were banished, disposed of when they held him back.

What makes you think you can have this happiness–that you deserve this happiness? King Grey asked, iron in his voice honed over a hundred battles.

After what you did to them, do you think you can just forget and move on? Nico and Cecilia died because of your choices. Your selfishness tore your world apart once. What do you think will happen if you allow yourself such luxuries again?

Whether you're King Grey or Arthur Leywin, you can only exist alone.

I spun aimlessly through the void as names bounced against my head.

Grey, or Arthur. Grey, or Arthur.

A dream of the future quickly devolved into a spiraling nightmare as images of my past life flashed before my eyes. Cecilia's blood as it stained my hands, her dying body sliding down my sword. Her empty eyes as they quietly thanked me for a deed I'd never wanted to perform. And Nico's own expression, wrought with deepest despair as I slew his fiance before his eyes.

"Arthur!"

I jolted awake with a gasp, clutching my chest as beads of sweat dripped down my face. I blinked a few times, Cecilia's bloodstained face still popping up in my vision.

I looked up as I centered myself, banishing thoughts of my past life. Aya stood before me, but she looked like she'd been thrust through hell. Her white uniform was tattered and burned, and a deep laceration nearly seared through the bone on her shoulder. Her nose was clearly broken, a smattering of dark purple splotching around it. She was clutching her chest with one hand, and from her wheezing breath, I suspected she'd broken a few ribs.