Paint Me, Professor - The Sequel | Student-Professor Erotic Novel | 18+

Chapter 45 - Plan

Christopher
***

The party was lively and loud. I don't remember my apartment being so full of happy, smiling people having a good time. I hadn't had so many people before enthralled by my sound system and music collection, all deciding what song to play next. Glasses of wine and aperol were scattered around the surfaces of the living room, the guests finding innovative places to sit as the chairs and couches ran out. The plates of food slowly becoming empty and a stack rising in the kitchen sink, evidence of everyone's contributions to the birthday celebration.

And yet, I was not as happy as I should have been. I found myself having to force a smile once in a while, especially when I felt Ali's presence next to me.

What she said just before the party started was so jarring it felt like my body rejected it. It was as if the very sound coming out of her mouth as she spoke of potentially having children was poisonous. The words entering my brain felt like an attack to my nervous system.

I immediately became agitated, lost sight of what was important that night, and spoke to her harshly, something I was never proud of doing. Then, to make it worse, I had to pretend that everything was fine, that I was fine, that nothing had happened. Apparently Ali tried to do it too, and I tried my best to move on from what she said by bringing her closer to me, by trying to catch a genuine smile on her lips, by wanting to feel at ease when my hand brushed hers.

It was a moment of true idiocy from her part. For one, she had never told me she wanted kids. Hell, with her job and her lifestyle, she'd completely destroy everything she had built. Had she ever thought about that? What's more, and worse in my opinion, was how she thought I'd even entertain such idea. Me, responsible for a whole child's safety, nourishment, education... In what world did she think I was capable of that? Or that I'd even want to do it?

I thought there was no need to tell her, but every child I saw reminded me of Oliver, every single one. The kids at daycare, Mike's children, my colleague's sons and daughters... Sure, I no longer became petrified in their presence, I kept my cool and managed to play with them, but there was an emotional line that would never be crossed. Even Mike's kids, whom I adored, I'd never be able to feel capable of taking care of them, I'd never feel like an uncle to them despite Mike using that name to describe me.

And worst of all, for Ali to not empathise with me on this traumatic topic was, to a certain degree, cruel.

I chose to ignore the feeling at the pit of my stomach that was telling me she did this to hurt me on purpose. She did not. I knew she didn't. She apologised and looked genuinely confused. I knew she loved me, that was not the issue. She was careless, and sometimes that carelessness came out as deeply wounding, but I knew she didn't mean it, especially not after she surprised me with great sex just before my birthday party.

For that reason I decided to try and forget that conversation had ever happened. I just wanted to have fun, but it was proving harder than I thought.

"Hey, you seem aloof," Kent said, a can of beer in his hand. I had asked him to use a glass but bad habits were hard to break. "Don't tell me you didn't like your presents? Did you want more?"

It annoyed me how Kent could read me so well. I pretended everything was fine.

"Yes, I was disappointed you didn't get me a bottle of Chardonnay," I joked. "If anything I'm quite overwhelmed... I don't remember ever getting this much stuff ever. I don't know what to do with it."

Even though I was trying to cover up the real reason for feeling off, this was absolutely true. Everyone got me a present, even if small. Professor Agnes got me some really nice, good quality socks which I was in desperate need of. Mr Turner, knowing how much I liked office supplies, got me a paperweight for my desk at work. Mike and Sandra gifted me a massage voucher. David, still clearly thinking that me being his former teacher is hilarious, got me a mug with the inscription "Best Professor Ever". Those were the most memorable, but there were more which I hadn't been able to digest.