What We've Become (The Forever Pirates) #2

020 [M]

A/N: Ya'll are better than me, I am practically incapable of reading smut I've written. It's pathetic, actually. 

Seonghwa

The anger was gone and was now replaced by emptiness. It felt so hard to even feel anything at all.

I could not cry, but I had nothing to expell. No anger. No tears. All I could do was ferment in my own pain.

We had left the burning city behind, but it was still behind my eyelids every time I shut them.

I knew he was there even before he made his presence known. I wasn't surprised, only him and Wooyoung were bold enough to interact with me after having a breakdown.

San sat down next to me, not saying a word for a very long time until finally, he asked, "Are ye alright?"

And because it was San, I willingly told him my deepest thoughts. "In a weeks time, I learned that the man I thought was my father all my life was not only my father... but he killed my real one and mother. He told me pirates killed her. And I never said it....but I hated myself for loving Hongjoong. For loving any of you, knowing that pirates were the ones that killed the one important person in my life."

He looked at me sympathetically.

"In that same week...for the first time in my life....I never felt more like that man's son. For the first time, I thought I saw his eyes in mine. The cruel, hate filled ones." I smiled at him. "I do not think that qualifies as me being alright."

"Wooyoung is worried. They're all worried." He said.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Then why say Wooyoung first?"

He stared at me a long moment before sighing. "Because of the thing ye said to him."

I stared at him blankly.

"Ye said ye wanted both of us. At the same time." He continued.

And I continued to stare at him blankly. "Are you serious right now?"

"Like I said. We're worried, and we'd prefer to distract ye if we can."

"Do you have any idea what this entails-"

"Aye." He replied, his eyes serious.

I sighed, "San...no. This isn't what I wanted -"

"It sounded like it."

"I wanted you both to do it because you wanted to. Not because of me. It won't be me in the middle. I won't be the center of attention. I don't even bottom, and you have never bottomed before. No - no." I shook my head, standing up, and he grabbed my wrist.

"I know what it is, Seonghwa. I know. Center of attention or not, let us take your mind off of it all. Even if it's just a little. You said you found me first because you needed me. Because we can ground you. Let us do that." His grip tightened around me.

I said nothing.

"I know Hongjoong wasn't there, Seonghwa. And I know even if ye predicted that...it bothers ye."