Wake Up; Stay Awake

Drenched Regrets

Standing in front of his shower, Mephone blinked.

He already had everything ready, so backing out now would just make him feel even worse. All that effort, down the drain, (pun not intended.)

However, the second he got the showerhead powered on and the water hit the bathtub's bottom with a rough pressure, the sound was already giving him a dip in his stomach. Water was never pleasant, in any situation. Water always hurts. Water always burned, and killed.
He couldn't stop his thoughts from drifting to the darker side, today. Everything was fine when he woke up, why did it have to go crashing down already? He tried his best, he really did, he even went to breakfast and talked to people-- and Test tube said that that helped with depression, she said that socializing helped with depression but it made it worse.

He went into autopilot mode, taking his clothes off and climbing in as his thoughts continued.
Suddenly he was so aware of every single mark and scar on his body, and the feeling made him shrink up into himself as he just went to sit, the temperature change from the water hitting his skin so fast made him tense up even more, as he just shut his eyes and tried to ignore how it stung and burned as water droplets ran along his rough, fake skin, almost like it was hugging him without his permission.

The feeling of the water had already made his head feel heavy, as everything started to mute itself and the only thing he could hear was the water around him, and the indescribable ringing in his ears that was basically pushing the deepest thoughts out of his head, because this is what always happened anytime he showered. Anytime he had to touch the water, because anytime he felt the water he felt the falling off of the cliff, he felt the shock of being in a new body, a new body that he'd previously watched get thrown around as a child-- the new body that wasn't really new, the new body that wasn't his own.

Everything had felt wrong, and sickening, even though it hadn't at first, not when he didn't remember yet. Everything was perfectly fine when he didn't remember yet, and everything was fine that night when he had Red beside him in the little twin sized bed with a star covered comforter, the glow in the dark stickers all over the ceiling and the walls, being his only solace-, being Red's only solace, aside from each other. Because Red was the only one who knew what it was like and he was the only one he could ever truly trust.

The robot's claws dug deeply into his own arms as he hugged himself tighter, hiding his face in his knees from the hot water. The hot water that leaked onto his face and dripped down his chin, down his cheeks like the nonstop tears that had been shed all week, all week even though it was only Wednesday.

He stopped thinking, when he could feel himself breathing again, and a real tear ended up trickling down and blending with the shower water.

Apparently, he had also removed that bandage when he'd spaced out, as he could see it through the crack in the shower curtain thrown aside on the hard tiles of the bathroom floor that was stained with spots of dark blue in one corner.

The corner of his bathroom floor wasn't the only place with the dark blue, as he lifted his head, his eyes still squeezed shut until he pushed himself away from the water, so it wasn't falling over his head.
Cracking open his half lidded eyes his attention immediately shifted to the dark blue liquid that leaked from his previously bandaged arm, dripping onto the bottom of the bathtub he sat in until it turned light blue, shower diluting it until it fell down the drain, and he was only now realizing the mess he'd made of this body. This body he'd promised he'd protect, even though now, seeing this, he'd done the exact opposite.

His showertime thoughts had ended up landing on his late brother, today. As he internally screamed at himself for what he had done, and how he had ruined the body he was trusted with. He could trust Red, but Red couldn't trust him. Mephone was a parasite. Every single thing he touched turning to
sickness, to ash and dust. No matter how well off a person was, if Mephone entered their life, they'd end up on the streets.