𝗕𝗮𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲
𝗜'𝗺 𝗮𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗹𝗹 𝗿𝘂𝗻 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆
𝗜𝗳 𝗜 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁
𝗜'𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂
May 08., 2012
It's been a long time since my first panic attack. I'd say I'm better now, but I'm not. Things at home are getting more and more complicated everyday. Abby think our parents will really divorce, she heard mom saying it to dad.
Me and Abby are talking everyday, sometimes even multiple times. She's really not doing well and I hate it because it's all my fault.
Ever since I had my first panic attack I've been getting them a lot more often. I stress about the smallest things, sometimes I wake up having this strangle feeling in my stomach and feeling sick from how anxious I am. I always try to do something like write a song, practice singing, do the chores as example cleaning the house or just simply hang out with someone to keep my mind busy and stop overthinking everything.
Right now we have a short break from touring so we're at the band house. We can't go home, that's why we're staying in a house together while we're writing and recording stuff. I really miss my family and I just really want to go home and fix everything, but we can't and I have to accept that.
"What are you thinking about?" Zayn sits down next to me on the couch and I didn't even realize till now that I zoned out for a couple minutes.
"Nothing, I'm just tired." I say still looking at a dot on the floor what I've been staring at.
"Is it your family?" He asks and I feel my blood rushing out of my cheeks as I immediately look at him with wide eyes while I start finding breathing harder and harder with every second.
"W-What?" I ask with a shaky voice what I try to hide while clearing my throat. What does he know about my family?
"Your family, do you miss them? Is that your problem?" He asks and I'm pretty sure he noticed my discomfort based on his face expression. He leans closer and looks at me with a very concerned look. "Are you okay?"
Oh no.
"Yeah, yeah. Look, I'm going to go to the bathroom, but I'll be right back." I say trying to hide my shaking hands while breathing in and out as I put on that familiar fake smile to quickly go to the bathroom while he just nods and watches me.
When I go into the bathroom I close the door and slide down on the wall while putting my shaking hands in my hair. I sit on the floor trying to breath in and breath out while closing my eyes and try to think about a happy memory. I think about when me and the boys won X-Factor and when we became a band. No matter how hard I'm trying to think about that as a good memory all I think about has been downhill ever since. If I wouldn't be in the band all of these things wouldn't happen. My parents wouldn't be thinking about divorcing, my sister would still have a perfect life and the boys' life would be better too. I remember that I should continue breath in and out while trying to think of an other good memory. I think about when I met Audrey at the new year's eve/day party. I start thinking about memories with Audrey and the boys. When we went to the nearest playground around us at 2 am. I think about concert memories and I can feel my heart racing slower. My panic attack is gone, but now my mind keeps thinking about how easier everyone's life would be if I'd leave.
My whole body is still shaking and I'm sobbing. I bit on my lip and put my shaky hand over my mouth hoping no one will hear me while I start hyperventilating. I squeeze my eyes shut and hug my shaking legs with my other hand.
YOU ARE READING
invisible string - one direction ff
Fanfiction"Whats wrong Gracie, what happened?" He says when he sees me, running to me and hugging me while I bury my head into his shoulder, crying. "I hate him Harry, I hate him so much, it doesn't matter what I do, it's never good enough for him, I'm so si...
