Tether, 𝙚.𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙧

Chapter 5

You're eerily calm and sober by the time you reach Kaspar's room. Creeping the door open slowly, you poke your head in to see that Eren's gotten him into his crib.

"He's asleep," Eren informs you, eyes still looking into the crib with one hand dangled in.

You slip into the room and gingerly close the door behind you. Eren finally looks over.

"Everything alright?" he asks.

"Yeah," you tell him. "Zeke had to leave."

Eren just nods and looks back into the crib. You move towards him and join him in looking down at your son's sleeping form.

"I can't believe he's mine sometimes," Eren says, watching as you also slip a hand into the crib and begin stroking back your baby boy's hair.

"It's all everyone ever reminds me about when they see him," you say placidly, "How much he looks like you."

This is something that normally pains you, but in the moment you don't feel anything but tired. Eren's eyes are on you but you ignore them. You only become keenly aware of your proximity when your fingers brush his. You hadn't meant to but as you were stroking Kaspar's hair, you'd touched Eren's hand which he'd had hovering nearby.

You don't know why but you don't immediately move your hand away from his. He's still beside inhaling deeply as his eyes fixate on where his pointer and ring fingers are between yours.

"You smell like cigarettes," he observes on a heavy exhale. His fingers twitch ever so slightly against yours.

"Zeke's a bad influence," you say mildly while pulling your hand away from his to smooth over a crease in Kaspar's onesie.

"You don't smoke anymore," Eren points out.

"I was with him when he was." You look up at him. It's a mistake because his proximity makes you audibly suck in a breath. When you're this close to him, you can see how his top lashes cast pretty shadows on his cheekbones.

"What for?" His voice is soft but firm at the same time. "I've never seen you willingly spend time with him."

"I was with him for a few minutes," you scoff wryly, looking away.

"Talking about me again?"

You look back up at Eren. He's keeping his voice down because Kaspar is sleeping, but he doesn't hide his indignation as he stares down at you. You see it in his hard set jaw and the vexed furrow of his brows.

"Did he instigate it?" he wants to know next. You're bemused to say the least at his accusatory tone despite his words. It sounds like he means to add on or did you?

"Eren," is all you can say at first, shaking your head incredulously. Why is he getting so worked up about this?

"I told you that I'm fine," he continues on to say.

"You haven't actually."

"What?"

"You haven't told me how you're doing," you point out. "You've only told me that you'll stay here at Carla's instead of taking Kas back to yours."

"I scared you when we talked on the phone earlier, didn't I?" he asks on an exasperated sigh, looking away.

"I wasn't scared," you tilt your head so that Eren's full side profile is in your line of sight.

"You sounded scared," he stares off aimlessly as he speaks. "When you told me to come here, you sounded scared. I can't blame you- especially not after I told you I was waiting across the street from a bar."

Zeke's words from earlier come back to you. Nothing tortures my brother more than you trying to be there for him even after everything that's happened. Eren would rather believe that you're scared of him- scared of him relapsing and scared of the liability that'll make him around your son- than believe that you're worried about his wellbeing. You don't want to worsen the situation right now by trying to change his mind, but you don't know what else you can say to get the two of you out of this mess of a conversation.

"I did smoke earlier," you eventually say. "I bummed a cigarette off of Zeke before he left. We didn't talk about anything."

When Eren turns to look at you again, you meet his gaze steadily even while your insides boil with anxiety. Eren's face is unreadable as your lie hangs in the stagnant air between you.

"If I kissed you right now, will I taste cigarettes instead of wine?"

Your brain goes blank when he says this. Eren only quirks an eyebrow down at you.

"You look scared," he breathes out almost teasingly except his face is deadpan. He's seen through your lie and the power he holds over you now is tantalizing. You take an even bigger risk to win some back.

Pushing off the balls of your feet, you move your face close to his. Eren's eyes soften instantly, but you continue to hover in front of him and look at him through your lashes for a moment longer to give him more than enough time to pull away. He doesn't.

You kiss him. It's unmoving but doesn't feel chaste. The pressure is gentle at first, but then you slowly angle your head and lean into him so that your forehead comes to touch his and suddenly the kiss feels bruising and heat pools into your stomach. Eren's ragged breath fans your burning lips when you lower yourself back onto your heels.

Your lips remain brushing and unmoving except for the shallow breaths that you exchange. You know that now more than ever, he can taste the cigarette smoke that his brother had blown over your mouth earlier.

Slapping doesn't come natural to you so earlier you'd hit Zeke in the chest with both hands so fast that it probably felt like somewhere between a shove and a punch. The winded sound that left him could have been satisfying if only you hadn't already bounded to your feet and walked back into the house with blood pounding loudly in your ears.

The memory of Zeke trying to kiss you just minutes prior makes you fully pull away from Eren with a guilty conscience. Seeing him with his eyes still closed and his chest rising and falling heavily makes you feel more distress than you can imagine. The truth will hurt him, but how long will your lies protect him for?

No, a part of you tries to reason, the truth will destroy him right now. The only honesty you undoubtedly owe Eren as his ex wife is honesty about Kaspar. The Zeke situation has nothing to do with your son.

"I thought you quit smoking," he says when he opens his eyes. Open is a generous term. His eyes are so heavily lidded that you only see a sliver of green.

"I did. Today was an exception," you say. "Do you have any more questions or can I go shower now?"

When he doesn't say anything, you return your attention back to Kaspar.

"Bye, baby," you whisper over his sleeping form, stroking back his hair again. "I'm going to miss you so much, but Daddy'll make sure you get twice the love from him while I'm gone."

You don't meet his eye again, but you give Eren's arm a squeeze before you leave the room.

author's note
that kiss was so unplanned uhhhh 👄

starting the college backstory in the next chapter!!