Better Me

CHAPTER 6

•  Throwback to the past
   Xevera's Pov

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"
I smiled at Azrael as we stargazed, tracing the constellations.
He's really nice and funny, handsome, too!
He taught me a few piano techniques that his teacher made him do before he settled for violin.
I wish we were a couple.
He's so amazing.
:)

Azrael gulped. I saw his Adam's apple bob down. Was he nervous or something? That's weird.
I was usually the nervous one. So why would he be nervous? Did I do something wrong?
"...No, nothing's wrong, butterfly. There's just something on my mind."
He shook his head. Turning to me with a smile.

"Nothing for you to worry about."
"No, I think it's plenty to worry about! You've been sulking all night." I frowned. He took an exhale of oxygen, trying to wipe the frown off my lips with his thumb.

The silence tensioned as my face took in a faint red blush.
He swiped his thumb over my bottom lip with a smile.

"...Have I ever told you how I feel about you?"
"Yeah. You've said a ton of things about how women don't deserve to vote, misogynist."
"Those were jokes."
He chuckled, leaning in closer.

The silence didn't just tension further, it thickened. The air particles thickened. The carbon dioxide multiplied. The oxygen stopped circulating.

His face was inching closer to mine. I have to get up. I'm probably sleeping already, I'm just dreaming.

...EXCEPT IM NOT, AND THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING!!!
AAAAAAAAAAA.

Soon enough, his lips were pressed against mine. It was suffocating. I was already suffocating. I couldn't return it.

I couldn't return the kiss.

I was too nervous.

He didn't deserve someone like me. He could get literally anyone he wanted, why me?..

Azrael pulled away when he noticed that I wasn't kissing back, his expression unreadable under the dim light of the stars.
"...Am I not your type?"
"No, it's not that! It's just that.."
The words I wanted to vomit were clogged in my throat. I couldn't get them out no matter what I did. I had so much to say...

No, that wasn't it. I could easily pour my words out, but I was tainted with expectation. Most men would be impatient, impatient to get what they wanted.

But he waited.
He waited for me to talk.
Patiently.

"... It's just that.. you deserve someone better."
"Better?"
"Yes! You deserve someone better. I'm sad and miserable, I have such bad jokes too.."
I frowned.
"You need someone who makes you happy."
"And that's you."
"Me?"

We both paused again before a smile cracked out of his face. I loved looking at his dimples. They're cute.
"...Butterfly, you make me happy. Don't let your pessimism take down the hope that you've got a whole entire future in front of you."
He rubbed my lips.

"And that's what I wanna try to change. I don't wanna see you being sad anytime soon."
Azrael's hand drifted onto the embrace of mine.

"That is, if you give me a chance, of course."
He smiled tenderly at me.
Before I knew it, a smile of my own started to curl up into my mouth too.

...I love him so much.