Falling Like Snow

Chapter 4: A liar

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I am a liar.

But being a liar is better than being the reason of her life falling apart.

I want nothing more in my life than to mark her as mine but doing that will ruin her and I will kill myself before any scar could even touch her at all.

I didn't run away from her, I ran away from myself. From the place that is my home but I have never for once felt safe there. After Mom's death, my life has crumbled down in my Dad's hand but fortunately Vihaan bhai and Ashmita bhabhi was there for me.

I am a moth to her flame and no matter how clear it is that she will burn me alive if I as much as step in her vicinity, I can't seem to shake that temptation away.

Jyeshtha is the kind of person who will give so much of herself thinking that's what everyone does if they love you but she is wrong because people aren't that simple.

They'd make you feel they are genuine with you but it's a myth. They never do that, but her highness is built different - her heart as soft as hard mine is.

She is constantly the one who cares more and that's why she ends up hurt. I warned her against feeling anything for me but Jyeshtha Singh Raichand believes fairytales to be true as if the princess in them are actually portrayed as someone she should take inspiration from.

They are shows as victims who need a prince charming to save them and I have no idea why she is so stuck on that but despite being a real life princess herself - my Jyeshtha is a survivor. She is strong and she can manage herself as well as her fragile heart - she needs no saving and she will definately make her own name.

It's sick and twisted how I feel so much for her that my heart hurts for not being able to tell her that but how can I when I know I will just end up dragging her in the dark hole I am buried deep in.

I happen to dislike people in general but her - I claim to not like her and yet one tear from her eyes will be all it takes for me to wage a war against the world.

She thinks I ignore her but infact I have heard all her voice mails and I always do whenever I am missing her but I can't pick up her call because I just can't bring myself to do it knowing that will give her hopes.

Not that she isn't already a hopeless romantic and as in I am for pushing her away from me for her own self, I know I won't be able to do it if she ever smiles at any other man than me.

I went as far as writing down all my feelings in a journal, knowing very well how cringe and unsophisticated and unlike me it is but how can a person like me even be truthful when I wrote my journal like someone was going to read it despite me keeping it in my locked cabinet which only opens with my fingerprint - so I didn't mention her name in there.

She thinks she is getting back at me by intentionally hiding whatever she does from me. She has personally told everyone to not say anything about her to me and although I am sure I can have them talk, I don't because I like her to think that she has some kind of authority over me.

Even though I keep my tabs on her - yes I stalk her, so what? I need to know what she is eating, where she goes and who she meets - like the one guy who was constantly asking her on date even though she refused, not that she had any other choice after the text I sent her making her clear he will disappear if she as much as agrees for a coffee with him.

But he didn't back out, commenting on all her posts, liking her story - I am not saying I have her social media's password but maybe I do. Bro was asking for it so I sent him where he belonged - not out of the world even though that's what I wanted but babygirl would be mad at me so I just sent him out of the city.