Depraved

24 . Alana

"she's dead."

Everything stops. I don't breathe or listen to anything. I don't blink. My limbs feel cold. No.

He's lying. He has to be.
"No" i whisper.
"That can't be" i murmur. "You're lying, you're lying just so i wouldn't ask you anymore. You. Are. Lying."

His hard features says otherwise. He removes the tablet from his desk and hands it to me. My shaky hands holds it.

My eyes are glazed yet i watch the video, its a footage taken at night.

From this angle i can see my home. Home. I clutch the tablet hard. I see the lights on the kitchen on.

Mom must be cooking as the porch light's is also on. I know she is there. My eyes fill with tears.

I see men in black masks entering the gate and instinctively whisper 'no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no' I think or i scream it loud. I don't know.

I see them dousing my home is something i call out to mum, as if she can listen to me through screen.

And they all move out of the property. One guy lights something and throws it inside the house.
It catches flames.

The flames slowly crawl to the porch, up the walls, to the kitchen until the whole house is submerged in them.

I keep holding the tablet and watch the burning flames. It burns my hearts, it corrodes every single beat of my heart
I can't comprehend words.

He removes the tablet from my shakimg hands. The tears are falling. My hands are shaking so are my legs.

My gut retches. I fall to the ground and retch till all my stomach contents are out and I start dry heaving.

A strong presence gently lifts me up and carries me. I look at him. He is focused on taking me to the bathroom inside his office and lets me down infront of the shower.

I open the shower and stand in there, fully clothed the cold water makes my already cold body freeze but i don't try to move away or stop the shower.

I know he gets wet too as he isn't moving away from me. I slowly lean back and put my head on his chest drenching him more.

I don't care.

We stand there like that for minutes till my teeth  starts chattering. He lifts me and takes me to the bedroom.

He places one knee on the bed and gently sets me on the bed. When  he removes his hands from my body and turns to leave i hold his hand. I shouldn't lean on him in this state.

He is only going to use my vulnerability against me. But I don't want to be alone. I want a presence even if it is the devil himself.

He gently tugs my hand and leaves. What more can i expect from him. I stay there as pain seems to conjure my heart and i can't feel anything anymore.

I want this pain to go away. I want this gone. I don't want to be in pain. Somebody stretches a water bottle infront of my blurry eyes and i take it. It's him.

How can i feel warmth from such cold person Iike him. I sip the water and put it beside as it falls to the ground.

My heart feels like somebody is shattering it again and again. I can't breathe. I want it all gone.

I close my ears with my hands and keep shaking my head.

His strong hands wraps around my face as he stops me and says "breathe".

The tears keep free falling. I remove my hands from my ears and hold the collar of his shirt, crumpling them and cry.

I sob but the pain never goes away. I need to forget this. I need to take this away.

I slowly look at the man infront of me with my tear streaked eyes and whisper without a thought "make it go away" he has this questioning look.

I would probably look like an cracked human to him right now with my drenched body, teary eyes and nose.

I am. I inch closer and whisper "make me forget."

"You don't know what you're asking for, zolotse " he whispere back.

"I do" i rasp. He inches closer his hands slowly creep up my neck making them burn in his touch as he brings my face closer to his. "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into" he grits. 

I inch more closer and say "i don't care".

"You should, i don't make love, i fuck like there is no tomorrow".

"May be that's what i need" i whisper keeping my eyes on his lips."

"You're getting into a dangerous territory, zayka. One you can't handle" he breathes through gritted teeth looking at my lips.

I can see that he is restraining himself, so i push harder. "Didn't you want to ruin me? Do it then." I challenge.

"Careful there, not a word or I won't be responsible for the consequences." I inch closer to his face that if one of us move, our lips touch.

"You will regret this later" he says. "Then don't make me regret" i say and tilt my head moving my lips to his ear and use my final blow "Or I'm going to find someone for me" and he loses it.

I see it in his eyes as they turn into endless pits. A muscle flexing in his jaw and temple. His hold on my neck getting stronger.

"You'll give yourself to me" he whispers.

I nod