"It will always be me and you against the world."
"You are the dream I have dreamt a long time."
She was the prophesied child of the ever radiant moon, while he was the personification of the endless darkness.
She was the Saint she never wished to...
"I WOULD RATHER MARCH INTO THE BATTLE AND DIE HONRABLY FOR RAVKA."
"WE WOMEN TOO HAVE OUR BATTLES, MY LOVE. CHILDBIRTH IS OUR BATTLE, AND THE BED SERVES AS THE BATTLEFIELD. MANY WOMEN HAVE PERISHED IN IT, AND MANY WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO."
This will soon be my battle, Yelena thought to herself, bitterly as she closed the door to her chambers behind herself. The engagement was announced, the terms of the marriage discussed and agreed upon. A noble born of Volkov for a seat in the Tsar's council, as well as the political glory that their house would gain from being closely tied to Lantsov.
She closed her blue eyes, trying to forget the weight of the heavy emerald that now sat upon her finger. A reminder of her doom. She could clearly see the smirk on Vladim's face; feel the touch of his hand on hers as he slid the ring into her finger; the joy that gleamed in her father's eyes; the jealousy brewing in the eyes of her own sister; the worry underlying beneath the blank mask of her brother.
But above all, she could vividly see the blank expressions on the faces of all who sat the King's Council. Beneath those masks, she could see concern and almost an eerie dullness in their eyes. The Darkling had sported a similar expression, but unlike the rest, he was brave enough to look right in her eyes. His face had twitched, tilting in a way as if he wished to say: Consider this once more. It is better to run then to regret.
But she had no escape. This was her destiny. To be married off to a foreign man in order to bring prosperity and glory to her house. To bear her husband as many children as he wished for. To be at his beck and call. To obey all that he says and to never question him. The list went on and on, but no matter how long the list was, she remembered all of it. Her mother's words still lingering in her mind:
"We are women, my dear dove. We have only one destiny: to serve. First, our father and then, our husbands. It is written in that manner, and it will remain the same for years to come."
But why? She questioned to the ghosts haunting her mind. Why must it remain that way? Why can't the rules be changed? Yelena huffed angrily, pushing herself away from the door and towards the mirror.
The reflection stared back at her. Her own face looked unknown to her. 'But what if I am not made for marriage?' She was only nine when she had queried her mother curiously, wondering if there was another way of living for the women in Ravka. But her mother had only huffed a laugh, replying with a small and inefficient 'there is no other way,' shutting away all the young girl's questions away.
Yelena knew that if her mother had caught of a glimpse of her back when she stood in front of the entire Council with her chin held high and her posture correct, she would have cried tears of joy, gushing over how her daughter had grown up to be a fine lady. A lady who would upheld her family's name and serve them well.
But only the lady knew what she had grown up to be. A puppet whose strings were attached to her father's hands and after the marriage, her husband would take command of those strings. She had became a proficient liar, a person who could keep secrets like no other. Years have passed away, and how beautifully she had managed to keep her abilities hidden away from all around her, except for the only person who seemed to understand her.
The girl shook her head lightly, trying desperately to not think of what laid in her past, or anticipate the future that seemed wrapped in thorns made of gold. A cage of gold with all luxuries that one could have, but one that would trap her forever. Gone would be the freedom that allowed her small moments that allow her to be herself.
She remembered the day when she had first got her moon blood. At thirteen of age, she had woke up with blood soaking the sheets, a horrified scream and tears had alerted the older lady-in-waiting she had at that time. She remembered well the hurried whispers of reassurance and comfort from Lady Velna, but the young girl only wished to seek comfort in the arms of her twin.
'You are becoming a woman now, my lady. It would not be appropriate for you to seek the lord.' If Yelena could go back to the past, she would have surely did. And she would have assured her younger self that no matter what everyone said, it was alright to seek her brother and seek comfort in his words.
The whispered words of her lady-in-waiting had prompted the thirteen year old to avoid her own twin. An action that caused equal pain to both of them. It had took Viktor a deep cut on his forearm for his twin to seek out his presence, for her to spare him more than a few monotonous words for weeks.
How stupid you were, the voice in her head commented, and if the voice had a face and lips, Yelena could swear it would have been smirking. A trait you continue to possess, it added. And in the end, even the lady found herself agreeing with the voice.
She knew that she had a way to escape it all. Her father's plan, the Tsar's cold and inappropriate touch, the court's assessing gaze. All she had to do was reveal her abilities to the world. To let everyone know that the eldest daughter of Duke Vladimir Volkov of Tsibeya is a Grisha.
'What do you think your true self is?' The Darkling's question revolved around her mind, echoed in the depths of her ears. But instead of scoffing the question away, she let herself ponder over it. What was she? Underneath all the beauty and riches, who was Yelena?
Suddenly, her blue eyes fell on a brown packet laying on her bed, and above it, a note rested. Slowly, approaching it, her face lit up as she recognized the familiar swirls and strokes of Ravkan. Wear these clothes and wait for me past midnight - Vitya.
She smiled to herself, placing the small note down as she carefully tore down the brown parchment, gasping quietly as she carefully studied the peasant clothes her brother had arranged, somehow. A long white rough spun shirt, leather breeches that Yelena was sure she would need to fold from the bottom, a large cloak with a hood to cover her hair and a pair of combat boots.
"I am impress," she sighed to herself while her finger's toyed with the buttons of the shirts, her teeth gently tugging at her lower lip as turned with her back to the massive bed. She allowed herself to fell back, her back meeting the mattress with a dull thump as she sighed contentedly. For a few moments, all the worries laid forgotten while Yelena basked in peace for the very first time since she had arrived in Os Alta.
A part of her mind wondered where Viktor would take her to summon the moon. There was no way that they could do it just anywhere. The threat of being caught loomed far more menacingly in the capital than in the forest lands of Tsibeya.
The girl closed her eyes, her mind imagining the thick forests and the small clearing that remained undiscovered by everyone save for the Volkov twins. A small lake bordered one side of that space while huge trees provided cover from all possible directions. It was their safe haven, a place where they could be themselves.
In winters, when the lake froze, sometimes, Viktor would teach her to sway and dance on the ice, laughing like a maniac when Yelena would cling to him; too afraid to let go. Sometimes, he would call the fire using the flint he stole from someone, creating a fire that kept the two warm while they spoke their mind away.
Those days are gone, girl, the voice chided, taking away all the warmth and comfort that her mind had provided her. Her cocoon that her mind had woven from all those memories was broken and she was left unprotected, and cold.
'It is our duty as women to serve and to remain silent.'
But what if I don't?
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Author's Note - this chapter is comparatively shorter than others but I just wished to give a glimpse inside Yelena's mind, and a reveal a bit about her upbringing. Also, 8 chapters in and I hope that you all are liking it. I would highly appreciate if you comment your views and let me know of what you think is good and what can be better. Thank you and Enjoy your Reading!
