Under the Stars

Chapter 20

~CHAPTER TWENTY~

Once I got home, I sat on my room, staring at the pile of books on my desk.

   My mother's words still echoed in my mind remembering the day I was buying books and she saw me:

“Stop buying these useless books. They make you believe in love that doesn't even exist.”

  My phone buzzed with a message from Carl, but I ignored it. Avoiding Carl was supposed to make things easier, but instead, my life felt black and white without him. I'm scared to admit that I missed his presence, his smiles, and his unrelenting optimism. Every thought seemed to circle back to him.When he approach me earlier I felt a little hope.

Carl had respected my need for space, but that only made me miss him more.

But I still avoid him after what happened.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 08,2025

   Days turned into weeks again until one day, Carl approached me after class. His expression was serious but kind.

I miss those.

“Lyla, how long are we going to avoid each other?Christmas passed and yet your still avoiding me” he asked, his eyes searching hers.

I sighed, looking away. “It's the only way I know to stop falling into the pit.”

“What if you don't fall?” Carl's voice was soft but insistent. “What if I save you?”

I shook my head, frustration and confusion mixing in my mind. “All of this is nonsense, Carl. Boys in books are way better than real boys.”

Carl took a step closer, his gaze unwavering. “What if I become them? What if I try to be like them just for you?”

I looked at him, uncertainty clouding my expression. “I told you not to fall in love with me-”

“But I already did,” Carl interrupted.

wait what? No he didn't just..

“And you should already forget that I exist,” I said, my voice trembling slightly.

“I'm a broken person, Carl. You don't want to be involved in my life,” I added, my voice dropping to a whisper.

“Then let me heal you,” Carl replied, his tone gentle yet determined.

I was silent, my heart pounding iinmy chest. “Stevans, just like what I said I told you not to fall in love with me, and that's an order and a rule you shouldn't break.”

“I'd like to break every rule you make if it includes falling in love with you because I already fell for you,” Carl said, his voice firm.

“If you love me, then you have to move on and let me go. Love doesn't exist in my vocabulary, Carl,” I said, trying to keep her voice steady.

“Why is it so hard for you to love and trust someone?” Carl asked, his eyes filled with concern.

“Because I'm the one who's suffering in the end,” I replied coldly.

“But didn't you think both of us will suffer in this?I thought you already gave me a chance?” Carl countered.

“Us? There's no us, okay? I'm sorry if I let you down okay.” I said, her voice breaking slightly.

“Lyla, do you ever think about how much this hurts me too? I'm tired, but I can't give up on you. Why won't you let me in?”

   I looked at him for a moment, my eyes filled with conflicting emotions, before turning and walking out, leaving him speechless. I locked my locker, put on my headphones, and took the bus home.