The Boy Who Couldn't Love

Chapter 10: Hush Hush

all my life, i believed i knew exactly what the meaning of a friend was. as i got older, i slowly learned that the wool was just pulled over my eyes and the person who i thought was my friend was just a wolf in sheep's clothing.
a friend is someone who will do anything for you and sacrifice all that he has just to see you smile. a friend is someone who you can trust and who will always keep a secret for you...

It was 4:30 in the morning and I was still awake.
I've been tossing and turning for the past three nights, trying to take back me discovering that it had been so long since my last period and me watching that second line on the pregnancy appearing.
How the hell was I supposed to tell Zack that I was pregnant with a child that may not even be his?
This secret was getting harder to hide and now I had absolutely no choice but to tell him. Part of me believed that he would understand and help me through it but I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't. The other part of me believed that he would turn against me and be so disgusted with me that he could never look at me again.
I loved him too much to lose him but I also loved him too much to lie to him.
Hunter put every single doubt in my head that I would be able to prove this. He was right, he was my only link to the truth and he promised to deny everything if I ratted my dad out. I had no proof, no evidence, no hope.
Based on when my last period was, I had to be around four or five weeks and that's also when my dad raped me. He would just love it if this baby turned out to be his and so would Hunter. I wasn't even sure how Zack's parents would react to me being pregnant. I couldn't see them wanting to kick me out but if Zack no longer wanted to be with me, they wouldn't exactly have a choice.
I watched Zack sleep so soundly as his nose twitched and his lips moved as if he were silently saying words but was too tired to do so. I was so exhausted but the guilt-wrenching feeling sat comfortably in the pit of my stomach and was keeping me awake. I quietly got out of bed and went downstairs to make some warm milk to see if that would help me sleep. As I poured the milk into the pot and it began to heat up, the smell of it was making me sick to the point where I didn't even want it anymore. I poured it down the sink and sat on the floor against the counter, trying to breathe through the nausea. There was no way that I could possibly escape from this.

When I walked into the kitchen the next morning, I found Zack and his family having breakfast. As usual, Zack and Sadie sat at the table while his parents stood at the stove. I could smell homemade pancakes along with bacon and sausages and even though pancakes were usually my favourite, they definitely were not today. Zack smiled at me as I entered the room and I stared at him. The guilt I felt for the past three nights came back to me but was interrupted when I felt the door behind me opening.
"Oh, excuse me," I looked back to see Frankie and I stood out of his way.
He went over to Dina and made himself a big plate of food before walking over to sit next to Zack. I felt relaxed that he was here, I didn't know why. That was until I saw the backdoor opening and Hunter walked in, holding a beer in his hand and blowing out the last of his smoke. He looked at me before taking a drink of his beer and I noticed a small bruise under his left eye. He went to the table to join Frankie and Zack.
"You okay, Bailie?" Dina said with a weird look on her face.
I nodded my head then realised I was still standing at the door, frozen like a statue. I walked over and sat next to Zack.
"Bailie, I made your favourite today," Dina smiled as she sat a plate of pancakes in front of me. I smiled at her and tried to stop myself from throwing up. Frankie looked at me. I looked back at him and his eyes quickly left me.
"We should hurry if we wanna make it to school in time," Hunter said to which Zack nodded his head.
"Zack, take Hunter today," Dina told him.
"I've got my car, I'm fine," Hunter told her.
"I don't think so. You've been drinking and I'm not having your mother blame me if anything happens to you."
I saw the look of hatred on Hunter's face. Even the mention of his mother sent a shiver up his spine. Dina went back to cooking and Hunter's eyes followed her. Sadie looked extremely uncomfortable in Hunter's presence but he acted as if she wasn't even there. He was very good at doing that. This made me think of everything he said about what he would do if I told the world about my dad. I didn't understand how he could hate me so much that he would make me out to be a liar about something he knew himself was true. Did watching my dad break me break him too?
I went upstairs to get dressed for school and even though I was only a few weeks pregnant, I was stupidly paranoid that any clothing I wore would give it away. I guess I was more than glad that it was cold outside. It gave me the opportunity to wear a few layers of clothing and I took full advantage of that.
I met Zack back downstairs and he was closing his backpack by the door when I got to the bottom of the stairs.
"You ready?" he asked, pulling his backpack over his shoulder. I nodded my head and we all headed out the door.
Sadie listening to her earphones as Hunter and Frankie sat next to her deep in conversation about that new game they've been playing. Zack's eyes stayed on the road and he drove especially slow today. The traffic in front of us was definitely gonna make us late. Zack rested his arm on the steering wheel and sighed.
I crossed my arms over myself and ignored the knots in my stomach.
"You sure you're okay?" he asked and I noticed he was now looking at me. "You didn't even touch your breakfast.
"Yeah," I said, looking back at him. His eyes looked hypnotising again. I looked away and shook my head.
"You just seem kinda distant lately," he said, looking back at the road then at me again. "I haven't done anything to upset you, have I?"
It was killing me that he was blaming himself for this and I hated myself for even making him feel like it was his fault. I needed to put him out of his misery.
"No, but I do need to talk to you."
"Okay," he frowned his eyebrows.
"Not here," I told him. "Tonight."
"Alright," he nodded his head then looked back at the road.
By the time we made it to school, we were thirty minutes late so we hurried to class which was pointless because the next bell rang not too long after. The day was mostly filled with people complaining that it was snowing again and with others having snowball fights outside the cafeteria. I sat with a drink in front of me while Hunter and Zack ate their lunch and talked to each other. I looked across the room at Sadie who was sitting at a table with her friends but like me, seemed to be isolating herself from the conversation.
What did Hunter do to her?
I wanted to ask her but every time we spoke about him, she just said that he's clearly troubled. Maybe that was all it was. Maybe the boy she's been in love with for years just wasn't who she thought he was. Or maybe she finally saw the monster I knew. I hope not.
I scanned the room again and looked past the groups of different people who didn't fit in with anyone else but each other. My eyes then found Frankie who sat at a table with that girl he said was interested in him. He was sitting back in the chair with his arm resting on the backrest. I obviously couldn't tell what they were saying but she seemed to be held on every single word that he spoke. I smiled at them but it made me sad that he would rather choose this life when I know he would be much happier if he just trusted that someone could make him happy. Zack was right.
"You coming?" I looked around and saw Zack looking at me. Hunter was putting his backpack on his back, without looking at me.
"Yeah," I said, getting up and following him to our next class. Before walking into class, I looked next to me and saw Frankie catching up with us, struggling to catch his breath.
"Fuck," he whispered as he leaned over, clutching his chest.
"Damn, you'd think out of all of us you'd have the most energy," Zack laughed.
"Out of all of us, huh?" Hunter said. "You're the only one of us with a girlfriend."
I hated that he said this but I hated the look on Zack's face even more. He knew Hunter was right and so did I. And now everyone did.
The next few lessons seemed to drag on for hours and hours and I got more exhausted with every minute that went by. I think at one point, I drifted off in the last lesson. The bell ringing made me jump and woke me up but my eyes were still stinging. I yawned as I gathered my books and rushed to the hallway to meet up everyone.
I felt completely zombified as I walked through the crowd of students that seemed to be rushing outside to start snowball fights with each other. As quick as we could, we made our way to the cars that we almost covered in snow. The snow stopped thankfully, but it left an even thicker layer behind. As we walked down the front steps, Sadie slipped on the last one and landed on her back. A few students laughed as they walked past but Frankie lifted her onto her feet again as he tried to hold in his laugh.
"You okay?"
"Yeah," Sadie quickly shook the snow off her coat and angrily looked at the students who laughed at her. I couldn't tell if her cheeks were red from the cold or from embarrassment.
Once we reached the cars, Hunter searched around in his pockets for his gloves as Frankie and Zack were talking about work. Sadie took her hat off and shook off the snow from it. She flicked her hair back and Zack walked closer to her. He pulled her hair back even further.
"Sadie, what the hell happened to your neck?"
She pulled away before he could get an even closer look but it was too late.
"It's nothing," she told him.
"It's not nothing," he replied. "You're scarred, it looks like a fucking bite mark."
It was then that her eyes flashed to Hunter whose face remained the same. He was either oblivious to the conversation or proud of what he did and I whole heartedly believed it was the latter.
Zack looked at Hunter and I watched as the rage completely took over his entire being.
"Was this you? Did you do this?"
Zack walked closer to him and grabbed him by the scruff, his white knuckles piercing through his red hands.
"What the fuck did you do?"
"What?"
"Her neck. What are you, some kind of freak or something?
Hunter looked at me then back at Zack. I couldn't tell what he was thinking but I knew it wasn't good.
"Well, I'm normally not one to kiss and tell, but for you I'm sure I can make an exception."
"Is this a fucking joke to you," Zack yelled. "Let's how you fucking like it."
Just then Zack put his hands around Hunter's neck and started choking him.
"Go on then. Do it!" Hunter yelled and I could see the enjoyment on his face. "God knows your sister loved it."
Zack took his hands from Hunter's neck and punched him on the face, causing his nose to bleed and the blood ran down his mouth on and onto the ground. Hunter smiled like he wanted that to happen.
"Don't you ever show your face around my house again and stay the fuck away from my sister," Zack growled at him.
It was then that I noticed we had an audience. Students had gathered around us and were staring, some through their eyes, some through their phones. Zack opened the car door while rolling his eyes at the crowd and told Sadie to get in but then the principal joined the admirers and pushed past them to get to us.
"Zack Parker, Hunter Prescott, follow me please."
The principal waited for them to do as he instructed. Hunter walked over to him first as he put his hand on his bleeding face. Zack sighed and threw his car keys at Frankie.
"Get them home," he told him and then walked over to the principal who led the way back to the school.