Alicia Smith

8) Cigarettes

Alicia stood by Isabell, dusting her hands off as the last things were loaded into the wagon. "He keeps watching you." Isabell whispered to her. "Like you're going to disappear."

Alicia looked up, meeting Daryl's eyes. He didn't look away, instead offering her a small smile. "I did it once." She sighed. "He probably thinks I will again."

The woman squeezed her shoulder. "Why don't you tell him you love him?"

"I can't hurt him again." Alicia looked at her feet. "I care about him way too much to put him through that shit again. If I told him I love him and then didn't go home with him... it would kill him."

"I can see it in his eyes." Isabell said. "He misses you. More than anything."

"Not more than her." She said, her voice cracking.

Isabell smiled at her sadly before walking over to Daryl who stood with a map. They went over the plan and Alicia walked over to Laurent. He was feeding an apple to the mule.

"Are you ready to go?" She asked him.

He nodded, smiling at her excitedly. "Yes, I've always wanted to go on an adventure."

She laughed, ruffling his hair. "I know you have, but you have to remember that it will still be dangerous. You have to stay by our sides ok?"

"I promise." He assured her. "I'm particularly happy to talk with Monsieur Daryl." He said.

"Why's that?"

"He makes me think of you. He's strong." Laurent answered, looking at where he stood with Isabell. "I think Isa likes him." He added with a grin.

Alicia looked over at the two. They stood side by side, sharing the map. "They would make quite the couple." She said, forcing a smile.

Laurent nodded. "He would be good for her." He looked up at Alicia, poking her arm. "When will you be married?"

"I, um..." she shook her head. "I need to make sure everything's packed."

Daryl watched as Alicia hurriedly walked past them, the wind blowing the hair away from her neck. He was able to read the tattoo on her neck.

Jordan, written in flowing cursive. Underlining it was an arrow, a long intricate arrow. (Image at top)

He sucked in a sharp breath, wringing his hands together. He prayed to whatever God was listening that she still loved him.

Alicia stood behind the cart, fighting her emotions. "Hey." His voice startled her.

She turned around, trying to seem composed. "Hey." She said, as calm as she could muster.

"You ok?" She could see him visibly resist the urge to touch her. The way his hand clenched and he had to force it by his side pained her.

Since when was Daryl afraid to touch her? Memories of his hands running gently along her body flashed through her mind. The feeling of lips against hers, the way her head rested against his chest.

She nodded. "I'm fine."

She knew he could see through the lie. She could feel him reading into her, picking apart her thoughts.

His eyes were so sad, like they held the weight of the world. "Ok." He said softly.

She watched as he turned, wanting him to come back. To hug her, to kiss her, tell her everything would be ok. He didn't, instead walking away from her.

She sniffed, wiping her eyes once more before stepping out around the wagon. "Let's go."
—————

The group of four walked through the ride through the streets, Alicia, Sylvie, and Laurent sitting in the back. Daryl and Isabell sat together on the bench in the front.

Alicia could feel her resentment towards Isabell growing. She tried to tell herself that whatever happened she couldn't be upset. She had made it very clear to Daryl that she no longer wanted a relationship with him. Why shouldn't he find love?

"You want some water?" Daryl had turned in his seat, holding out a canteen for Alicia. His voice pulled her away from her thoughts.

"Thanks." She said, mustering a small smile.

She uncapped the canteen, putting her lips to it and drinking. She could taste his lips. The faint hints of nicotine from his cigarettes and whiskey. The same thing that used to fill her senses when she kissed him.

Speaking of nicotine, she hadn't had a cigarette in God knows how long. She handed the canteen back to him. "Do you have a smoke on you?" She asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, there's a pack in my bag." She turned to search through his bag. "They're camels, not your favorite."

She chuckled. "It doesn't matter." As she rummaged through his bag she found a loose Polaroid. She picked it up, examining it. It was a photo of her and Glenn, the day Daryl proposed.

Glenn's arm was wrapped around her and she held her left hand out, flashing her new wedding ring. She was smiling so brightly in the picture she almost didn't recognize herself.

She shoved it back into his bag, grabbing the cigarettes and lighting one. "What is that?" Laurent asked, looking at her cigarette.

"It's a cigarette." She sighed. "A terrible habit, it'll kill you."

"Why do you do it then?" He asked.

She stared down at him, her brows furrowed. "Because when I was young I made bad decisions. I got hooked on these and it's hard to stop once you've started."

"You mind passing me one?" Daryl asked.

"Mhmm." She handed him the one she had already lit, making sure to take a long drag from it, more to annoy him than anything.

He took it from her, giving her a glare. "Really?"

She plastered on an exaggerated smile. "You think I got diseases?"

He rolled his eyes, taking a drag from the cigarette without further complaints. Alicia lit another one for herself.

The mule began to bray, crow hopping from side to side. Alicia furrowed her brows, confused as to why he wouldn't go on. Daryl stood up, trying to get a better view of what was spooking him.

"How do you get him to shut up?" Daryl asked.

"Asterix is very stubborn." Laurent said.

Daryl jumped off of the wagon, Alicia following suit. She don't know why she got down, maybe it was just habit of following him.

"Easy boy." Daryl said as he began to unlatch the mule.

Alicia worked on the other side, her cold hands fumbling with the buckle. She jumped slightly, Daryl hands being placed over hers as he helped her undo the buckle.

"Your hands are freezing." He mumbled. Alicia didn't respond, staring up at him. Daryl moved back, grabbing his gun from the seat.

"No. No, no. Laurent loves him." Isabell protested.

He ignored her, firing a shot into the air. The mile ran, most of the walkers following after him. Alicia took her knife out, plunging it into the skull of a straggler.

Daryl nodded to her, chunking her bag to her. "Get all your stuff. Let's go."