my body's burning for you

sick and in love

It was the last night of the first leg of tour.

This meant that the opening bands would head back home and two new ones would join us for the second leg.

This also meant that Caleb was leaving. We had really started opening up to each other ever since I apologized, and I made sure to thank Tony for the advice a day later. Who knew someone so quiet would have such brilliant things to say?

We were stopped in Vegas, the destination of our last show for this leg and it was an understatement to say everyone was pumped. Everyone except me, that is. Now don't get me wrong, I was glad to have a couple months off over Christmas to spend time with family and wind down, but almost everyone on this tour lives in different states and I'd miss them a hell of a lot.

Neither me or Caleb had spoken about holding hands while we walked back to the bus that day, and it hadn't happened since. I would've liked to think things were almost back to normal, but it still wasn't enough to tame the backflips my stomach performed every time he smiled at me.

Everyone was hanging out backstage before the show as always, conversing much louder than usual due to the excitement lingering in the humid air and the noise of This Wild Life finishing up their set. I watched them all walk in one by one after a span of at least ten minutes, Beartooth being next to perform. It was a habit of mine now to listen in on every show, humming what lyrics I could and nodding my head to the beat. It felt like the very first night again, the energy up and grins that made everyone's cheeks sore.

I watched Caleb struggle with his earpieces across the room and I sped over to help, a difficult task considering how much higher up his neck was than my hands could reach. I dragged an old stool sat in the corner to where he was standing and hopped on top, the toes of my vans chipping further away at the lousy blue paint job. I then connected the wires at the back of his neck and tucked the remaining string beneath the collar of his shirt, letting it trail to his waist where the mic box was clipped. I heard him mumble a thank you and raise his hand to insert one of the ear buds, but I caught his wrist before he did.

"Break a leg, Shomo."

I leaned forward to whisper in his ear before he could plug it up, remembering back to the first night when he had done it to me. I could see him smiling even from my position behind him, and it brought one to my own face. Trailing my thumb across the back of his hand I stepped down from the stool, dragging it back to the corner before he could respond. He wanted to, I could tell, but he was ushered out of the room by their manager and sent to play their last set.

There was nothing but good memories to come out of our last night, and it was over all too soon. A party celebrating everyone involved was requested, but there was way too much to pack up and move to be bothered. I didn't quite feel like being hung-over on my flight tomorrow morning, either. I instead made my way back to the bus to pack my own things and organize my plane tickets, finding it odd that I was the only one here. Surely the other boys still needed to clean up and pack, especially Gabe. it was getting annoying having to dodge his piles of clothes strewn throughout the bunk hall.

"Need any help?"

A deep voice I knew all too well came from behind me, and I didn't even have to look to see who it was.

"I think I'll be okay. Thank you, though."

I responded, wedging a couple more neatly folded t-shirts in-between my stack of jeans and hoodies.

Caleb shuffled over to the bunk next to mine and sat down, having to lean out slightly to avoid bonking his head. he rested his elbows atop his knees and folded his hands, watching me pack up my things.

"I'm really gonna miss this tour."

He sighed, nudging the thinly carpeted floor with his toe.

"We can always schedule more."

I contradicted, rolling a few pairs of socks together and slipping them into a pocket on the side of my suitcase.

"I know. But you guys are leaving for the next leg in January, and then you'll be all over the globe. I wont see you over Christmas either, you'll be in Oregon and I'll be back home in Ohio."

"We have to work on the new album anyways, I'll be too busy to travel."

I was almost making it sound like I didn't want to see him, but what I spoke was the truth. I couldn't possible fly all the way to Columbus just to hang out and be back in time to help decide what songs we'd be putting out. I'm a very important part of this band, the guys need my opinion.

"You're killing me, you know that?"

I raised my eyebrows and began zipping up all the little compartments on my bag, silently asking him to go on.

"All this, shameless flirting and shit. I feel really close to you, Kellin. Like I can just talk to you about anything and you wont bitch at me. At least not now that we're on the same page. It's gonna suck not being able to talk to you every day, or go out and do fun things whenever we have breaks. You probably wont even have time to think about me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Caleb. Of course I'll think about you. I promise I'll text you whenever I can. I consider you one of my best friends, I'm not just going to drop all that because we're apart."

I stopped what I was doing to look at him, and I caught a glint of disappointment in his eyes.

"Right, best friends. I have to go pack, I guess I'll catch you tomorrow?"

"My flight leaves pretty early."

"Whenever we see each other next, then. Merry Christmas, Kellin."

He stood and pulled me into a tight hug, and I inhaled as much of him in as I could before he could pull away. Neither of us were smiling when he did, and I think it finally hit me how long it would be till I saw him in person again.

"Merry Christmas."

I whispered, and brushed my hand against his as he turned to leave.

"Fly safe."

I heard him call, and then the only sound inside the bus was the sniffling sound coming from my nose as I wiped away tears I had no idea were falling. But falling they were.

And so was I.