Bjorn Wryner Vlasmo
I have been behaving for many weeks now and for the moments I have been with her – I can’t help myself but to miss her even more, even when she’s just right in front of me.
I long for the times that we are together; the way her hand touches me, the way she grabs me as if it’s the end of the world, the way her lips would be pressed into mine and the way our mouths would become one – oh, please, help me.
My intentions are clear – I don’t want to upset her. Still, I can’t stop myself from saying cruel things.
For each moment that she looks at me after I respond to her – it’s as if someone’s stabbing me and I can’t do anything about it. Everything that’s coming out of my mouth is getting out of my control and I always end up hurting her even more.
A bullet can end me If that’s the only way to stop it.
I can’t help myself but to remember what happened during the fight.
Losing a fight doesn’t mean anything to me – but I would rather win them than not.
During the match, I can’t help but to think of Cleome. I’m afraid that as I push her away, she will leave me for good. I worry that everything I heard is true and so, I don’t want to hear anything from her because I know that she will disappear as soon as she does.
I’m afraid that she will confess to me and tell me that she didn’t really like me.
And that everything she’s doing is because of her guilt.
I didn’t get any chance to focus on the fight I’ve been training for – all I think about is her, isn’t it pathetic?
I pity my rival; his face is all blown – the emotional pain I feel has fallen on him with my fists. I can taste my own blood and feel the swollen areas in my face and yet, it was nothing.
All is for her.
No matter how much I try to fight it, it always comes back to me.
I don’t see any end.
-
I came to my senses when I heard the clock ticking above the door – there’s too much silence that I can hear it.
I checked the time – 23:48, sure I have a lot of thoughts right now.
Do I wait?
Who the fuck am I waiting?
I am waiting.
Where the fuck is she? It’s near midnight – delikado na.
Although I feel guilty of her doing all the work of taking care of me – I enjoy every inch of them. It’s as if a wife is taking care of his sick husband – I can’t just get that shit out of my head and it really lightens my mood.
Dr. Lance even laughed his heart out when I told him to tell them that I need to take a rest for as long as 3 days max; he’s my doctor even since then and so I can make stupid requests like this.
Three days is enough for a fool like me – and I will end it myself.
Blake laughed all the way to Antarctica because he can’t believe what he just heard. I ignored him all the way there too.
I feel incredibly stupid, and too freaking embarrassed to pull off this kind of shit.
Only for Cinense to take care of me.
It’s the same thing as asking for death.
I didn’t notice that I fell asleep, I checked the clock and it’s 01:13
