The Deity- A Curse Or A Blessing?

i don't want to say goodbye because this one Means forever.

It has been 2 months since Fourth's funeral and Gemini hasn't moved on. How could he? It all feels like a lie. Nothing makes sense to him. Fourth was the healthiest person he knew. Yes he had the tendency to overwork himself but still...

There were no signs that he was sick. The doctors themselves couldn't explain what went wrong, how did Fourth go from being a healthy twenty year old to going straight into a coma and dying.

It feels like just like yesterday when they were on a video call. Fourth teasing him, Fourth flirting with him. Gemini regrets never having the opportunity to tell Fourth how much he loved him. The opportunity to tell him all the little things he loved about him.

Like how his smile lights up a room. Like how he was one of the most beautiful people Gemini has ever met, and not only appearance wise but Fourth had a beautiful soul. Anyone who has ever met him fell in love with him instantaneously because he was just a loveable person.

Gemini can't accept the fact that Fourth is gone. The dream he had the night before he was told about Fourth's passing plays in his mind every night. He would wake up breathless eyes filled with tears. Fourth had made him promise to continue living his life but how could he do that when Fourth had left him?

They promised each other that they will do this life thing together. Fourth had always said "Gemini's dream was his dream." But Gemini's dream had always been to stay by Fourth's side. They were supposed to tour the world together, release an album and so many other things. They were supposed to grow old and grey together.

Nowadays Gemini can't even get out of bed other than for school or work. He sees posts on social media about how his smile is no longer the same. His fans tell him they miss the "old gem" the one who was energetic and fun. He misses him too but he feels like that Gem was buried along with Fourth.

His parents had gotten him into therapy. Yet nothing helps. Talking about how much he misses Fourth doesn't help with how painful the realization of knowing your better half, your soulmate is no more. It hurts so much that he feels physically sick. The antidepressants they prescribed him don't actually take the pain away, they just numb it.

Sometimes it feels like someone ripped his heart out of his ribcage while it's still bloody and beating. Sometimes it feels like he has been stabbed a thousand times in his chest that he struggles to breathe. He constantly feels lost and out of place. Like he doesn't belong, like something is missing.

Most of the time he is angry. He is angry at the universe! He is angry at the gods he doesn't know he believes in anymore. He is angry at the people around him who seem to be moving on with their lives. He doesn't understand why everybody seem to continue their lives like nothing ever happened at all. Beause his world just fell apart but to everyone else he was just another broken heart.

The company suggested he take time off but he couldn't. If he took even just a day off he doesn't think he would be able to cope. He doesn't think he could stay alone with his thoughts. So he just drowns himself in work and prescription pills.

Sometimes he feels like he wants to pack up the stars and turn off the moon. He wants to shut down the airports and turn off the news. Sometimes when he is home on the rare days he is forced to take time off from work he would close all the blinds and shut off the noise. He would turn down the music, because even that just sounds wrong to him.

He hates Sundays now. They used to be Fourth's favorite day. They would meet up at Siam square and have brunch together. Fourth would always look so pretty even though it would just be jeans and a white T-shirt he would be wearing, sometimes when his hair would be long he would put it up in that cute apple bun or push it back with one of his crazy but cute headbands.