I've visited the grave of the one I truly loved many times. Although we never met in person, we experienced joy and love even if only in dreams.
I visit his grave about four times a week and also go to his mother's house.
Our relationship was happy, and even though I never met her son in person, her mother was delighted with me and accepted me as her daughter-in-law.
Months passed while we were in Thailand. One night, lying in bed and thinking of him, I had a dream.
We were in a beautiful place, one I didn't recognize and had never seen on the internet. It was surely a haven for travelers, given its relaxing vibe. It was peaceful, and I sat under a beautiful, large, lush tree.
It was the only tree, surrounded by grasses with lovely white flowers and a refreshing breeze from a nearby waterfall. The waterfall was high, and its base was hidden by clouds. As I looked around, I was delighted to see butterflies flying freely among the white flowers. My joy increased when I saw white birds singing, their songs like melodies.
The place was incredibly beautiful, predominantly white. I saw a figure in white approaching me. At first, I couldn't see its face clearly, but as it came closer, I was stunned to realize who it was.
He came close, hugged me tightly, and kissed my forehead.
He said, "James, my wife, thank you for meeting me again. I've longed to be with you. But this time, I want to say for the last time that I am letting you go."
"What are you saying? Letting go? Are you crazy, hubby? We just met again, and now you want to let me go?" I said, pouting at him.
"I hope you won't close your heart to others. Don't choose to give and dedicate your heart to me, someone who no longer exists in your world. We live in different worlds now. You will find someone who will love you even more than I did," he said.
I hugged him tightly and said, "I don't want anyone else. I only want you. Please come back, and let's be together. I won't open my heart if it's not you."
"Don't be stubborn..."
"I don't want to!" I hugged him even tighter and looked up at his face.
"Please don't ask me to let go of everything I remember. Those memories are all I have left. They are my source of happiness, so please don't take them away from me," I said, tears streaming down my face.
He wiped my tears with his hands and smiled. "Your world can't revolve around a dream alone."
"A dream that gave me immense joy, one I can never forget. It's my only treasure," I said.
"Everything has an end. In time, you will forget me," he said.
"That will never happen," I replied.
As I looked at him, he began to shine and slowly fade away. Crying, I tried to hold his hand.
"Don't worry. I love you so much. YOU and no one else," he said.
I held on to his hand tightly, but it felt like he was disappearing, and I could no longer grasp his hands.
"Net, please don't leave me," I said, trying to reach his remaining parts as he vanished.
He smiled and said, "I love you so much," before a bright light blinded me. When I opened my eyes, he was gone. I looked around but couldn't find him.
Crying, I called his name. When I turned around, a unique white butterfly landed on my lips. I closed my eyes, feeling as if Net was kissing me, tears flowing down my face. When I opened my eyes, the butterfly flew away. I tried to chase it, but I fell. It flew away as I heard a voice calling me.
When I opened my eyes, I saw my parents, their faces filled with worry.
"James, thank goodness you're awake," my mom said, hugging me tightly.
"We were worried when we found you having a nightmare," my dad said.
Our helper gave me a glass of water. Feeling sticky with sweat, I cleaned up and then shared the dream with my parents.
"Maybe he wants you to know he wants to see you happy, not clinging to memories that only exist in dreams," my mom said.
"He doesn't want you to trap yourself in that situation. He loves you deeply, but you can't force what can't be. He wants you to know he loves you, but he wants to free you from that situation," my dad said.
I sat quietly, listening to them, tears streaming down my face. I didn't speak because the pain was too much, and perhaps they were right.
I fell asleep again, and in the morning, I screamed loudly, causing everyone in the house to rush to my room.
"Why, James?"
"What's happening?"
"Mom, Dad... I don't know... I don't know what's happening to me. When I woke up, I felt like I was searching for something, but I don't know what it is... I can't remember anything," I said, crying.
"All I can remember is that you scolded me after graduation because you saw me kissing a male schoolmate. I got upset with you and drove off alone until I had an accident," I said.
"Do you remember anything else?"
"No, just that, Daddy."
"Do you know that we're in Thailand?" my father asked.
"Thailand? We're in Thailand? Since when? Did you bring me here after the accident?" I asked.
"He doesn't remember anything... James, son, I'm so happy you're back to your old self," my father said and hugged me.
"Do you know anyone named Net?" my mother asked.
"Who is Net?" I asked because I didn't know him.
"Net Siraphop Manithikhun," they both said.
I was confused. "Mom, Dad, I don't know him. When I was in London, I never met anyone by that name," I said, feeling a slight pain in my heart without knowing why.
"Son, you've returned to your old self... Do you have thoughts of having a boyfriend or a spouse?" my mother asked.
"You know, Mom, I'm really confused by your questions. Didn't Daddy forbid me from liking another man?" I said.
"Son, I accept you for who you are. I love you, and no matter who you love, be it a woman or a man, as long as you love each other, we will accept it," my father said.
They hugged me.
Weeks passed, and we were planning to return to London in the coming month. My parents suggested we visit any place we wanted before leaving.
I told them I wanted to go to the beach alone. At first, they were hesitant, but I assured them I could manage. They agreed but didn't know where I was going.
I admired the beautiful scenery around me. Bali, Indonesia, is truly stunning, especially the beaches. I didn't know why I chose to spend my days (like my feet wants to go here )here before returning to London.
As I unpacked my things, I felt an inexplicable lightness in the cabin, as if it was familiar. I didn't know why, but I felt so at ease that I smiled. After unpacking, I ordered coconut juice.
Sitting outside my cabin, I watched the sunset. It was so beautiful and perfect that I couldn't take my eyes off it. I knew there were things I wanted to remember, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't recall anything, especially the name of a person... Net Siraphop Manithikhun.
As the sun set, I wondered who that person was. Since I couldn't remember, I decided to let go of the name "Net Siraphop Manithikhun" along with the setting sun.
_______________
Thank you so much 😊
