The next day, when we arrived in Thailand, I couldn't explain my feelings-whether I was happy because I had finally arrived or afraid to discover the truth, that all the beautiful things that happened were just an illusion.
During our journey, I remained quietly observant of everything around us, feeling strange in this unfamiliar place-it being my first visit here. Upon reaching my grandparents' mansion, I stood there like a statue, gazing at the fountain, unaware that tears were streaming down my face. My parents held me close and asked if something was wrong.
Returning to my senses, I mentioned that I was just recalling the times we used to play around this fountain with my siblings, and we were happy during those moments. My parents then invited me inside the mansion. I remembered bringing my spouse here once and introducing them to my parents-the time when I announced that I was going to marry Net, and they got upset. I looked straight ahead to where we confessed our love for each other.
I asked my parents to accompany me to my room, where I could gather my thoughts. It was overwhelming to experience such personal emotions. That night, my father visited me in my room, and I was surprised by what he said.
"Son, I'm sorry for everything I've done to you."
"Daddy, why are you apologizing?"
"I should have accepted you for who you are, as a gay man, and maybe then you wouldn't have ended up like this-like a lost needle in the middle of the desert."
"It's okay, Daddy. I know you love me. I understand that you were scared because I'm your only son, and you hoped I would carry on our family name for generations to come. Thank you, Daddy, because if you hadn't scolded me that time, I might not have run away, I might not have had that accident."
"Why would you find joy in that? Do you realize we almost lost you when we found you in that situation?"
"Because, Daddy, if I hadn't had that accident, I wouldn't have met the person who gave me strength, love, and acceptance. They became my spouse, and despite everything, we remained strong and loved."
He hugged me tightly and said that they were always there for me - to support me ..
---
After that night, I was happy because finally my dad accepted me for who I am, for my identity as part of LGBTQ.
The next day, I went with my sister Yok to where we were going, to the house where Net and I lived together. I was nervous during the journey because I didn't know what I would find in that place. I told our driver the exact location where I remembered living with Net. When I told him, he seemed unconvinced and reluctantly agreed to take us there.
After hours of traveling, our personal driver stopped in a place that looked like an abandoned place. The houses were still there, but on the street where our house with Net was supposed to be, there was no standing house or any evidence that a house had been built there... It was all grassy, with no trace that a house had ever been erected. My chest tightened, as if my world was collapsing and everything was slipping away from me... because this was the place where we had been together and happy.
My sister approached and hugged me because I was already crying.
"No, this can't be happening," I said while kneeling on the ground and crying, embraced by my sister.
"Brother, please stand up," she said when I didn't want to leave the place.
"Brother, it's starting to rain."
I looked up and saw the rain clouds forming, ready to pour any minute.
"Just go inside the van for now, driver, and please let me stay here for a while," I instructed.
