Disloyalty

- Season of change -

Mid-autumn.

I sat on an old park bench during my lunch break, the only sound coming from the rustling of golden leaves in the crisp breeze. The towering trees stood tall, their branches thinning as they shed their autumn colors.

Even through my thick coat, the sharp bite of the season crept in.

 A single red leaf floated down, landing delicately on the lid of my coffee cup before being swept away by the wind. A poetic moment, really—if I wasn't in the middle of chugging lukewarm coffee and contemplating the meaning of my existence.

The faint smell of woodsmoke and the earthy scent of decaying leaves filled the air. The soft crunch of footsteps echoed as people wandered along the winding paths blanketed in a colorful patchwork of fallen foliage. Winter was just around the corner, and with it, hopefully, the promise of snow.

Snow always brings a wave of nostalgia. Waking up to news of school closures, cheeks rosy from the cold, spending hours outside building snowmen just for some little brat to come and knock them down. Ah, the circle of life. 

Every year, I wished for snow on Christmas and my birthday. Every year, I was dramatically devastated when it didn't happen.

Christmas was always magical, though. Mum made it special even when we didn't have much. I still love long winter walks, the crisp air making my lungs feel like I've been freshly rebooted. 

Sometimes, I daydream about a white Christmas in the Swiss Alps, sipping hot cocoa in an overpriced chalet. A dream I know will never come true because my bank account currently cries when I buy name-brand cereal.

Andrew used to say my eyes lit up when it snowed.

It's been ten years since we fell apart.

Not a day goes by that he doesn't cross my mind.

At first, the heartbreak was brutal. I cried a lot. Like, a concerning amount. Then one day, I just decided to stop being sad. 

Mostly because I was running out of ice cream and self-pity wasn't paying the bills. 

So, I threw myself into new things—joined a swim club, took dance classes, learned the flute (because why not), and focused on my career.

I even made new friends like Lyla and Siah. And then there was Isaac—my current boyfriend, courtesy of Megan, who decided I needed a "perfect distraction."

And, to be fair, he was. A very nice, reliable, solid distraction.

But that wasn't enough for me, because whenever he would do something.

I would always find myself comparing him to Andrew, its toxic and horrible but it was something I couldn't shift out of my mind.

And after all that thinking about him, I only realised a couple months after no contact that I had a crush on him, just at the time I didn't realise.

A big fat fucking overwhelming crush that took over me but I was too stupid to notice, and not only did I have to deal with loosing a best friend I had to go through the pain of heartbreak aswell in a way. 

Bt life moves on, and so did I. Mostly. But memories of Andrew lingered. Still, I have a good life. Stable job as a data analyst, a cozy flat with Isaac, and our golden Labrador, Charlie. 

He's basically our child, though sometimes, when he gets all excitable, I swear even he reminds me of Andrew. He always had that golden retriever energy—warm, always hungry, and ridiculously enthusiastic about life.