Brief Introduction Into Teenage Stupidity (MxM)

Chapter 2

I light up a cigarette and open my window to blow the smoke outside so as not to suffocate in the small enclosed space.

I keep coming back and thinking about life before because, frankly, I have nothing better to do. I'm done working today at my well-paying, amazing job, where I work at the parking lot, sometimes directing people to a certain building or extending their parking ticket but most of the time just looking in the distance and trying hard not to let any intelligent thought inside my head. The salary is also great and covers everything I need: rent in this inhuman hole, food that consists of mostly frozen meals, and occasionally gas. After work, I have several wonderful options: I can go back to my room, watch TV and listen to the terrible music played by the animals above me; go to the nearest bar and try to be unsuspicious while ordering a beer and then sit alone like the loser I am, while watching other people enjoy themselves, or, my current favourite, I can sit in my car in the parking lot and think about the steaming pile of shit known as my life.

These stages of reflection always begin with nostalgia. Today was a slow day at work (again) so I gave in, logged into Facebook and opened Sam's profile. Like the last twenty thousand times, there was nothing new to see. Sam didn't post much, or ever use social media, so the few things on his profile were prehistoric.

A few days after I "disappeared" on both Sam's and Riven's profiles was my picture with a description and information about where I was last seen, with instructions at the end on who to contact if they happen to see me.
Of course, for these purposes they chose a picture in which I looked worse than usual. The good thing was that I hoped people wouldn't recognize me even if they saw me. Either that or the camera really didn't like me. Fortunately, those posts were taken down after a few days. I strongly suspect that dad saw the amount of money missing from the safe and put two and two together and realized that he better not involve the police or the general public. Maybe he was hoping I was just doing short term bullshit and would be back soon.

What can I say, I live to surprise.

Luckily, Sam wasn't technically advanced enough to lock his profile, so even from a fake account I was able to see our pictures together and stare sadly at them. When I destroyed my cell phone, I lost all the pictures and messages, so I couldn't even look at it when I felt lonely. I had enough common sense to deactivate my profile before blowing my phone to pieces, so at least I wasn't tempted to go check it out. In crime movies, this is how they get you. And I wasn't planning on being gotten.

The other reason why I did it was that I could imagine the comments and messages and it made me slightly nauseous. Following that train of thoughts, I didn't dare log into any of the other socials I used. Maybe I was too paranoid, but I had the feeling that the moment I logged into my email, ten secret agents would rush into my room and take me home.
So, I was doomed to stalk my friends via a fake Facebook profile. Among the few pictures on Sam's profile, there were a couple of our pictures together, most of them from his or mine family gatherings, and again I felt that heaviness in my chest, making me feel like I couldn't breathe properly. Being the masochistic fuck I am, I checked the comments, but there was no mention of me anywhere.

I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign. A very conceited part of me was slowly dying due to the lack of attention and the apparent absence of drama my departure was supposed to cause. It was painful to think that it didn't affect anyone. I know that it would be more humane to hope that no one suffered because I was gone, but alas, that was not my modus operandi. After Sam's, I had to look at Riven's profile, but he also never posted, to the point that he didn't even have a picture of himself, even though he was probably the most handsome guy in our generation. I also went through the profiles of practically everyone else whose names I knew, but apart from a new selfie here and there, there was nothing interesting.