The next day me and Effy are woken up by Pandora,that jumps on us. I,clearly pissed,put on a white dress I grabbed yesterday from my closet and get down for breakfast with Eff and Panda
the outfit (yes it's purposefully similar to the one Effy wears,coz I LOVE IT)
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Anthea made toast and as me and Effy eat,Panda is telling Jim what we did yesterday
"After that we had to get mega-speedy,so we climbed over some big spiky fence and found ourselves in this field,then what did we do,girls?" "Uh,chips" I answer "Oh,yeah super cool.Brown sauce soaks up all the red-bulls,we got to the park to find the boys and then we got crazy cause Cook pulled down JJ's pants and showed us his willy" Pandora's phone goes off "Morning,mum.Yeah thanks.Super duper great night at the youth centre.I made soup,we prayed and recycled socks.Soup,for the homeless,they love soup...Um cream of mushroom.Okey-dokey,Effy and Trish say howdy-doody. See you later,alligator" She hangs up "Did you just...that was a pack of lies"Jim says "Oh,you can't tell my mum the truth.She'd only do agony flip and go ra-ra" "Is she speaking english?" "She means the truth hurts,dad.It's for her own good,otherwise,truth...boom" As Effy says that some dishes Anthea is cleaning clutter "You all right,love?" "Yeah I just...I just gotta...um...Stop it"She says to Effy "You stop it" "Is someone going to speak a language I fucking understand?"
Poor Jim,and Effy.Good doesn't this seem like my family two year ago? Suddenly the doorbell rings and Jim takes it.We hear distantly
"Steve,mate.Am I driving today?"
Yeah,it's definitely not ending well today,I zone out until I hear something that snaps me back to reality
"For fuck's sake,I love you"Steve says
Fuck. We get up and go to the door,wanting to see what's happening
"Steve,mate.I'm...I'm married,I'm straight.Don't do dick,no way,no how..." "I can't stand it Anthea,it's too late"
Steve enters and kisses Anthea,Effy storms to the kitchen,tearing up,and I follow her. I don't say anything,I know how it feels having your fucking home wrecked,all I can do is sit next to her and hold her hand,make sure she knows I'm here for her. We watch Jim leave,and in Effy's eyes I see my own reflection:this is hitting a lot near home but it's not about me.
"They fuck you up" "They don't mean to,Eff" "Yeah but they still do,I know that" I say
Effy gets up and starts running,I go after hear and reach her at the harbour with Panda.We find her smoking a cigarette,crying.
"Bugger it,Eff.You can't half-leg it.And I've got cross-country badge.Do you think your mum and funny beard have been...you know...making monkey?" "Yes,Panda" I answer for Eff "Wow,surfed and turfed?" "Yep"Effy says "Eff,Eff don't cry.Does this mean you're not coming to my pyjama party?" "I'm not crying" "Yes,but my party?" "Pandora does this seem the- "Sure,why not.Let's get totally,totally fucked" "That's the spirit" I say "Um,yeah that's the thing.My mum's gonna be there.We're gonna put pyjama and play twister.Its brilliant fun,more fun that getting fucked,probably. And then you're all gonna tell me me how to do it with Tommo,cause basically I haven't got a clue" "Pandora why are we all friends?Do you ever wonder?" "Well,that's super easy,you're my pals because you're the coolest ever and I'm yours cause I'll totally do anything you say and none of your boyfriends wanna surf me cause I'm useless" "You're not useless,that's IT?" I say.
