A Boy Story

A Not-so-random Encounter

I kissed my wife good night and started my way into the garage. Quietly I stumbled through the dark rooms so I wouldn't wake up the kids. My destination was the restaurant a few cities away to meet a good friend that I've known since I was young. He was like a brother to me, so when he told me he needed help I made time for him. It was complete silence on the way there. No radio, no traffic. Just my own thoughts in my head. Thoughts of my kids sleeping peacefully and my wife just starting to drift off into her dreams. And what my friend Andy needed help with.

Actually, I knew. It was his love life. He, being 31 years old, had parents that just wanted him to finish a checklist to deem themselves successful parents. The last checkmark was to find someone and get married. Typically as a human behaved when forced to do something, his heart wasn't into it. In my own unique way of helping, I had created my own dating profile to help expand his network. In reality, I was piloting his own efforts. He had already spent a few years following the advice of others and simply worked on himself after he experienced rejection. He needed a bit more confidence, but I would say he was quite the eligible bachelor now.

I had spent fun moments along with my wife going through various profiles and picking and choosing. I even mastered the art of choosing between real and fake profiles so rapidly that I had cleaned out the entire stack of recommended matches. Almost exactly two months later, after thousands of matches and swipes, I got a random message in my inbox. My first thought was spam, but the authenticity of the message was as casual as a Facebook comment. I had finally found a real person in this sea of deceit! I answered with both a casual reply as well as a professional one. I wasn't there for dating, unless there was interest in my friend. She didn't message me for dating either.

I was 35 years old, felt stuck in my job, and expanding at the waist line. The pictures my wife and I chose were from years ago. They were the flattering ones including good shots of myself with my family. The years in between then and now were not kind to me. I felt aged and, despite being extremely popular in the golden days, had dwindling social circles. Back in the college days almost 10 years before my now wife May and I were the power couple. I made many public speeches for professional clubs, organized events and knew everyone in my class, all the while May supported me. I was a popular person in college, yet I felt people were intimidated by me. Even though I knew everyone and could make a conversation, it hardly ever went beyond a few conversations. It didn't really matter to me because I had May to confide. She recharged me and sent me back to keep doing my thing.

"Looks like they could change a tire better than I can!"

At face value, it was just a casual comment. To me, it was an unintentionally crafted tug at my heart. It included hints of admiration of my life skills, value as a father to teach my children, and her familiarity to be humble. If it wasn't obvious, I had posted a picture of myself changing a tire with the kids closely watching. I felt valued. I had always strived to work hard in order to find some acknowledgement of my existence. I was the 7th child out of 9, in which the 6th son was nicknamed the baby boy. That's right, I was an accident. My two younger sisters were celebration babies after my difficult and unexpected birth. I had subconsciously lived my whole life trying to prove my worth. With nine children, my father didn't have much time for any of us, let alone teach us how to change a tire. I did what an invisible child had to do. I learned on my own and escaped. I read books or played video games without voice acting. I excelled in school while always being seen as the "silent, but deadly" type. My love of reading led me to write essays to get scholarships to get into prestigious schools without money. My parents had to proud they didn't have to pay for my education, right? Anything my mother sighed and wished she had done or one of her kids had done, I looked into it and tried it out. I applied to schools I wasn't interested in, I took up instrumental lessons, I cleaned the house, I learned many languages, and I even prayed to God. My current career in medicine was crafted to eventually take care of my parents when they got older. I craved validation and became subconsciously hungry for it.

I had to be professional in my response, but I also couldn't help but feel greedy. I immediately referred her to the link to my friend's dating profile, which was accessible through a click on my own. She wasn't interested so I started to show her the door. I also wanted to at least thank her for being so considerate to give me a burst of personal value, so I did. I told her that I wouldn't say no to friends, but tried to cut it off. She was okay with friendship, so I looked again at her profile to make sure. It indeed said "looking for friends" and nothing else. Maybe I could learn why this 21-year old was on this dating website.

The messages were back and forth, and I couldn't help but ask questions of a deeper meaning. What did she want in life, what were her goals, what were some past experiences that led her to these decisions. These were typically questions reserved for people completely comfortable with each other. Bear in mind, I had only seen a picture of her and minimal words describing her current living situation. I also couldn't help sharing my own answers to these questions to her. I had never done that to someone, especially in the casual manner I did. We eventually moved off of the dating website interface and went into our own avenue for communication. It was a new program and I stumbled a few times trying to download it. It was an odd relationship: I felt so much older with all of her terminology and new apps, and I felt so much younger compared to her mature outlook on life.

I had never felt more comfortable speaking to an individual before. The closest would be my wife of course. She was my life partner and even then there were still things I would have to think before saying. For example, if I said something a certain way, I could anticipate that it would elicit an upset or sad response. Therefore, I would try to reword it or not even discuss the topic and save it for another time. But with Jessie, anything was fair game. I had even talked about things I never shared with another living soul, like my sex life. Everything flowed smoothly and hours went by, just learning about each other and being completely genuine. The mysterious and intriguing part was that I could not even attempt to anticipate her responses. She was an enigma to me. Throughout my entire life I met hundreds of people and I was able to at least stay one step ahead. With her, I felt like I was multiple steps behind. She was addicting.

It was then that reality hit. Was I cheating on my wife? This nourishing relationship that seemingly came out of nowhere was exactly what my body needed, but at what cost? All my life it felt like I could only be myself around May, and yet with Jessie it was the same, perhaps even more. It was a little different. With May, I always wanted to do better despite her always accepting me for who I was. With Jessie, I finally saw my own faults and wanted to improve myself, even though Jessie also accepted me for who I was. I knew I had to stop, but this burning desire to continue wouldn't go away. It was a burning desire to learn more about this girl, to figure out where she came from. What would make her happy in life? She possessed this respectable amount of passion to live life for herself. It was so mysterious and foreign to me it was almost enthralling.
I was so enraptured by this girl that I wasn't sure if it was possible to have two soulmates. Both these women seemed so pivotal to my life that it was more than coincidence. That was when I came across the term Twin Flame and my life changed forever.