A Boy Story

Living the Dream?

"Hey there Neil, so tell me how you are feeling." Akina said.

Akina was a reassuring, confident, and thought-provoking therapist. She knew how to force information out of me. She deserved to be paid the big bucks.

"Well, as you know I am married." I started, "I'm still having these uncontrollable, almost obsessive thoughts about Jessie. I even had a dream about her."

Akina's eyes widened a bit. "Before I provide any feedback, can you explain to me who Jessie is?"

"This may sound strange, but Jessie was a girl I met randomly on a dating website. But please don't get the wrong idea. I made my profile to help my friend kickstart his dating life. I linked his account with mine and surfed through profiles that I thought would match with his. May and I even made my account together."

"Neil," Akina started, "it is not my place to judge you. We are here to lay out the facts and find connections."

"Thanks Akina. Well Jessie messaged me randomly and we sort of had this strong connection ever since. She knows of me being married and actually likes that part about me."

"I see." Akina responded, "What about Jessie do you think makes a strong connection with you?"

"Well," I started, "she used the word 'cozy.' I think that is the perfect word. With her I'm able to just talk freely whatever is on my mind without a filter. You know my past and how I can seem to see into people's souls and create conversation that way. With Jessie, I feel like everything I'm saying is directly from the bottom of my heart. We chat for hours until we realize she needs to sleep."

Akina nodded. "Go on."

"There was this air of mystery around her. Sometimes her responses would go completely against my anticipation, and that would cause a thirst to know more about her. All my life I felt that I understood people and knew what they wanted. I had no idea what Jessie wanted, and I wanted to figure it out. I saw that she would be a potentially great life partner for me, but that was not possible for my case. So, I wanted the next best thing. I wanted to make sure that she found happiness in her own life. I wanted to know her life goals and I wanted to see her reach them. I wanted her to succeed so badly."

Akina smiled. "It sounds like she's left a great impression on you!"

I smiled. "Yes, she definitely has. And get this, when I looked into her eyes, I couldn't read her like I could for everybody else."

"That's normal to think that way for someone you care about, especially for you. All your life you have been placating to others and saying what they want to hear. When you find someone who doesn't let you play that social game, that difference can be attractive. This attractiveness can exist in people whether they are in a romantic relationship or not. Do these daytime thoughts hold any romantic intent?"

"That's the hard part, it seems like it's mixed. Ever since she mentioned that she would be happy to live with us and date no-one else, I couldn't remove the possibility."

Akina raised her eyebrows at this. "If that's something that has a possibility and it's affecting your mind this much, it might be a good idea to discuss this with all related parties. We live in a modern world, after all. What do you think about that type of life?"

I was honestly taken aback by her advice. It was the last thing I expected her to say. Discuss this with May? She would absolutely say no, or would she...? My mind was playing games on me again. My mind projected a future of a harmonious environment where my kids were enriched with balanced mindsets from three caretakers instead of two. We would all be satisfied with extra time and also intimate time.