A Boy Story

Sweet Surrender

It's been days since her date with Andy. I had this strange feeling it didn't go well.

After that first night, those dreams continued daily. They ranged from erotic to slice of life, mostly involving her and I walking along familiar places in my life. Each night was the same. I would have a dream, then wake up with an erection, and then continue my dream. The more I tried to fight these thoughts away, the more they swirled around me all day. They gave me excess energy, so who was I to complain?

I remembered learning about surrendering to obsessive thought and living life in the present. It was only until I connected that "surrender" meant to simply use what you have at the moment and make the best of it. I had to translate this seemingly endless obsessive energy into avenues that would benefit those closest to me. In the realm of spiritualism, sexual energy could be considered as the most innocent form of energy. Ironically, the word "innocent" meant untainted, or unaltered. My wife and kids probably sensed that change in me. I felt much better. These thoughts were simply a part of me now. I needed to utilize this unending sexual energy from Jessie to keep improving my own life.

I was surprised by the timing of the message from Jessie. After such a mysteriously amazing day, I was ready to tell Jessie I would delete the app and send her a thank you and farewell message. I mean, why was I even considering such a crazy idea to keep her in my life while having these unending obsessive thoughts? I had to call it quits. How could I just be friends with someone that I would have sexual dreams about? Maybe she needed advice with Andy. Frankly I haven't heard from him either. That was a little worrisome.

Why was I being so silly, thinking so much from a text from a friend. The timing may have been a little coincidental, but nothing physically intimate happened besides in my dreams. The messenger app we used had some rather random stickers in place of emoticons. Random, but rather cute in an oddly endearing way. I caught myself browsing through the catalog of animated, expressive items such as various fruits, animals or household objects. I chose the egg and the cherry, of all the things. It was about time to finally read this message from Jessie.

"I've been a bad girl."

I had a feeling there was a snag in the date, but this sounded a lot more serious than I anticipated.

"What do you mean?" I responded.

"I wasn't feeling anything intense with Andy, so I ended up with someone else."

I didn't see a problem with this at all. It was just an exploratory date.

"That's normal, since you are in the early stages of dating." I responded.

I was actually happy to hear that she was able to follow her feelings so strongly and move on sooner than later. Andy was a different story for a different day. It didn't make sense why she would message me out of the blue saying she's been bad.

"But why do you think that makes you a bad girl?" I asked.

She didn't answer for quite some time. I had to start work. Hours in, I couldn't stop wondering why she hadn't responded. Could it be she was embarrassed to talk about it? I needed to reassure her that I was the last person to judge her.

"You know you can tell me anything." I messaged. Then, I went back to work.

"Okay... I've had sex with this new guy. But I'm not an easy girl, okay?" she started, "This sex was really intense though. It's like something new I haven't experienced. I can't stop thinking about how it feels like it's two different worlds. The sex life and the normal life."

There wasn't a bone in my body that had any judgement for her words. They resonated with my dreams so strongly. My own double life, caught in between two different worlds of consciousness. It couldn't have been a coincidence, right? Was there a telepathic connection between my dreams and her physical experiences?