A Boy Story

Karma Chameleon

I was excited to log into work and see how I could contribute tonight. This was my seventh job. I had gone through cycles where I was sabotaged for being a hard worker. May always said that it was jealousy, but moving seven jobs seemed like a bit much. It was always the same pattern. I was the new guy that joined and would get better metrics than the veterans. People would think I was weird and trying too hard for a job. When I would get recognition publicly from a higher authority, my coworkers would get together and find ways to find flaws in my logic. I would lose my confidence in my self-worth and look for another job. I would always have a better relationship with my bosses than my same-level coworkers. I would get along with anyone in the company that didn't directly compare to my position.

There were two situations that constantly replayed it in my head. They both included working with narcissists. The first one was with a covert narcissist. I had known her in school and she suggested I try to apply for the open spot at her workplace. It was a strange dynamic when I started working. I quickly became aware that my friend had her subordinates do most of her work, even the work that they didn't have the credentials for. It didn't seem fair so I brought it up to her and thought it would be no problem since we were friends. She countered by saying that I had "changed" since school. After that, it was like all of my mistakes were magnified. I also vividly remembered that I went to Human Resources to try and find a new medical plan to help welcome the birth of my son Ethan. The HR already seemed to have picked out a plan that was "perfect for me" and told me to sign it. Not only did she not congratulate me on a baby, she also already picked out a plan that she deemed perfect. And I felt rushed during the meeting. I barely read the clauses and signed it. It turned out that it was the highest premium coverage for me to pay. When I found out I was a little confused why the lead HR representative would provide such bad advice for me. A few weeks later, I was called into the HR office. There sat my friend, the HR representative, our boss, and our boss's boss. I had no clue what was happening, but my friend was crying. When I sat down, the first question I got was "what did you want to discuss at this meeting?" It was a sensory overload for me. They phrased it like I set up the meeting and even brought in the elite members of the company. I was shocked and utterly speechless. I was ripped to shreds during that meeting, exposing every single mistake I had made during training and how fake I was being that created an unhappy work atmosphere. I was so shocked I couldn't defend myself. After the meeting, I was so bewildered that I asked my coworkers if that's really how I presented myself. These were the coworkers that I survived the tough evening rushes, worked extra hours alongside, and even had dinner with. They unanimously agreed that I was a monster. I told my boss I had a panic attack and couldn't work for the rest of the day. I cried in my car for about an hour, then drove home. I had no idea what to say to my wife, especially with my son so close to being born. I toughed it out until I found a new job.

That new job had another narcissist working there, except he was an overt one. It was obvious that he used fear to gather the workplace. Being myself, I saw it as being extremely unfair. Using my past experience as evidence of the mass destructive potential by fighting, I just tried to ignore him the best I could. We had an orientation dinner with managers and it was painfully obvious how much of an overt narcissist he was. I just kept my mouth shut and enjoyed the free food. The real danger happened after he played a hidden part in getting another manager fired. There was a rumored manager-to-subordinate hidden relationship on my work shift. It was disgusting to my narcissist friend as this other manager was much more popular with the whole company. Suddenly there was a report of a raunchy message between the two, discovered by one of the narcissist's subordinates. It was reported to HR and the two involved immediately got fired, no questions asked. I was good friends with both culprits, and I didn't believe it. I messaged them both outside of work and got the stories. I tried to get their jobs back, but it was set in stone. The manager that got fired was creating a project to improve overall happiness at the workplace. He rigged some music speakers and curated a musical playlist that consisted of direct song requests. He told me about it one day, and I thought it was only right to continue his work. As someone who grew up only listening to piano solos, emotionally sad music, and overly bubbly pop music, I had to totally depend on the music requests to curate a solid playlist. I had worked every free moment I could and asked every single worker what their preference was. I filtered them all and kept the average BPM or tempo all the same consistently high so that the workers could feel happy and pumped. If someone wanted a slower song, I would work hard to find a faster remixed version. I would then edit them to remove swear words and then re-finish them to equalize all of their volumes. Then, I would upload them into my own paid subscription and pre-randomize them and play them in order, remember where it left off, and continued the next day. The workers wouldn't hear the same song twice in a week, as the playlist eventually totaled more than 40 hours. During the process, I got to know every single person and their favorite songs. I was becoming the person that people went to for advice as I was friendly and also proficient at my job.

The narcissist manager picked up on this and started to encroach more into my area. He actually re-oriented his desk so that he would be able to see what was on my screen at all times. Since I rotated in my stations, I would sometimes be watched and the other times I would be across the building. Regardless of the distance, the workers would still prefer to come to me for work authorizations or advice since I would be able to provide the information faster and in a more friendly manner. There would be random days that our upper manager would lock up the music player and there would either be silence or the narcissist manager was in charge. On those days, there were countless complaints from the workers and they all begged me to change the music. It was beyond my control and I simply continued to work. Eventually, the workers came up to the upper management and complained. I was told by upper management that the music player could never leave my hands after that. Perhaps the narcissist manager knew that I knew, as his encroachment was becoming more like bullying. The last straw was when he asked me to accompany him to discipline a worker. He needed another manager as a witness. I was extremely friendly and knew all of the workers inside and out at this point. I knew their work ethic, their strengths and weaknesses. The meeting was him disparaging this worker while I had to silently watch. It was unjust and also untrue. I comforted the worker after the meeting and told her all of the strengths that she contributed to the company. It felt like a direct attack with innocent bystanders as collateral damage. I brought it up to my upper management. I knew the narcissist manager had been spending more time following me around, and honestly I was getting paranoid. This was quickly escalated to HR and he was forced to transfer out. I I also didn't need to mention that he had a secret relationship with a subordinate. That was discovered after he transferred out.

For completely unrelated reasons, I was transferred out of that department as well. I was offered a higher position, but it would mean that I would have to move and work during the days. My son was extremely young and May was being woken up so many times during the night. Such a life change would be a difficult move for the two. I declined and transferred out so that I could maintain an overnight schedule and allow May to sleep at night in peace. I was determined to change my work ethic in this new job. It was a remote job and I didn't want any drastic changes for my family. The solution that seemed to work at this current job was to stay near the expected goal. I would work not too hard, and not too relaxed. That way people wouldn't take notice of me and I also wouldn't get fired. It wasn't the best solution, but what could I do? I didn't want to change my schedule again and I also didn't want to get ostracized. I seemed to be a magnet for trouble.

Tonight would be different. It seemed like I was in an alternate world, so why not just work like myself untethered? I was ready for anything.

When I signed on, I had received a message from Jessie.