A Boy Story

An Unblind Date

"Hey, Neil!" Andy called me over to the booth.

Andy wore a nicely pressed white dress shirt and his unripped jeans. He wasn't wearing his glasses and made some effort to pat his hair down. This was a sign he was serious. The other person next to him looked as stunning as her picture. She had silky dark hair, showing some curls at the ends of her strands. It was evident that she put in a bit more work than a casual date. Makeup accentuated her shapely eyes, rounding them to add sparkle into her gaze. Light pink lip gloss showed just the right amount of effort while preserving the natural hue. She was being herself and dressing to impress. She had the appearance of youth as well as the alluring charm of a confident woman.
Andy looked so happy with the girl next to him that I couldn't help but smile as I walked over. It was a blind date I had set up with Jessie and Andy. Well, it was hardly a blind date. I had talked for hours about each other to each other privately weeks before-hand. I was wondering what they were talking about and how I could casually slip into the conversation. I finally approached the booth.

"Hey, we were just talking about you!" sad Andy.

"Haha, well here I am!" I said.

I tried the best I could to avoid direct eye contact with Jessie. It was the first time meeting her in person and this date wasn't about us. Before my college days, I couldn't look anyone in the eye. It felt like it was too much. I would be able to peer into their soul and recognize the insecurities and thoughts they were hiding from the world. It made me weird to others because that was what I wanted to talk to them about. It was like a whisper that beckoned me to attempt to help everyone I met, whether I wanted to or not. My wife May was my burning point for that childhood fear. After meeting her, I was able to gaze into everyone's eyes as an advantage. I would be able to read them and start topics they wanted to hear, or alternatively what they didn't want to hear. I started to think it was a weird superpower and just accepted that I wasn't like everyone else. Everyone except Jessie. From our countless conversations in the past, I already knew Jessie was an enigma to me. I was a little afraid of what I would see in her eyes.

It would have been rude to at least not shake her hand. I held out my hand and she took it. Her hand was soft, small, and also a little familiar. It wasn't like a business handshake. It wasn't loose either. It was hard to describe. I almost wanted to give her a hug. That would have been a mistake.

I couldn't resist and gave her my characteristic stare, right into her soul. Perhaps it was her being my Twin Flame, or that she was so self-aware, but I saw myself in her eyes. My mind was racing at this virgin experience. The world seemed to pause as countless thoughts and memories of my own life flashed through my head. Ephemeral glimpses of me being rejected for asking a girl to dance, of a group of middle-schoolers making fun of my handmade clothes, of me doing a painful split in front of my sister's friends, of my older brother calling me weird when I would make a safe haven under my bed. Perhaps I was staring too long, but I bumped into the table as I gravitated. With some nervous laughter, I slid into my side of the booth.

So this was our first real-world encounter. We had chatted for months exclusively online. I kept bringing up Andy because that was the original intent of my dating site adventure. She eventually agreed to try a date. Andry was a bit nervous to finally meet this girl in person and wanted a wingman. I was his natural choice, just like with all the other girls. This time though, I had to mentally prepare myself. It could end up going very well or very badly.

So far so good, I thought. The dinner was going as I anticipated. I was the ice breaker, and constantly had to pull back to let the others talk. Trying to pull myself out of this date, I focused on my drink - a gin and tonic. It was a simple yet complex drink, contradictory just like myself. It was just two ingredients with a lot of meaning. The waiter said it tastes like a Christmas tree. A bitter Christmas tree on a cold night with no gloves... What was I even doing here anymore? Andy and Jessie were getting along alright. I had to excuse myself.

"Sorry, my wife worries when I get home too late.. I should get going, you two have a wonderful rest of the dinner!" I said.

"Tell May thanks for letting me borrow her husband yet again." said Andy.

"Of course!" I responded. "Hey, it was nice finally meeting you Jessie."

"Your wife... please don't keep her worried." said Jessie.

I couldn't help but start into her eyes again. All I could feel was intense sadness. I convinced myself it was the sad Christmas tree and turned away. Why would I feel sad? I was a married man with two lovely young children. My wife was indeed my soulmate destined to be my life partner. I had no right to feel sad in this situation. Andy and Jessie looked like they would make a good couple. Jessie would be happy and that would make me happy. I had no reason to feel sad in this situation.