Nine Lives

Chapter Five

Hayden chuckled heartily before wrapping his arms around my waist “Yeah that’s the song all right. It’s incredible you can remember it”

I nodded slowly, my tone was dry and dull “Yeah… amazing..”

He frowned and took my hand gently “What’s the matter beautiful, you’ve gone quiet”

My hands shook violently from fear as I put the scissors down slowly “He’s coming for me…” the fear shone out in my voice “….. He’s never going to stop….” The tears in my eyes threatened to flood out

Hayden sighed softly as he pulled me closer to his warm, open embrace “Hey, while I’m here… He’s not going to touch you”

“…. You can’t decide when Death comes for you, Hayden. Everyone dies sooner or later.. It’s just how we were made.. People have to die so others can live and experience life” I knew exactly what I was saying, but Hayden needed to hear it. The second it left my mouth his grip loosened around my waist until I couldn’t feel him anymore

“How can you even say that Lexa? I’ve been with you six years and we’ve managed together just fine. Now you’re giving up?”

I sighed calmly as I turned to face him “I’m not giving up.. I’m just accepting what is going to eventually happen”

His eyes trailed over me “I don’t know you anymore.. Where is the girl I fell in love with?”

“The girl you fell in love with is not the woman I am now… She died alongside her baby brother, Hayden! You want to know why I’m the way I am? It’s because not a day passes where I don’t wish he hadn’t took the fall for me… and I had died instead of him”

“You need to let him go, Lexa… He wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for what happened that day” he carefully placed a calming hand on my shoulder

“Screw you, Hayden!” I spat as I batted his hand away hard “You’ve never lost anyone in your entire life, how dare you act as if you’re the master of mourning people”

I stood and glared at him from feet away, for a few seconds we said nothing to each other

“Lexa…” He whispered, tears filled his deep brown eyes “I don’t know what you want anymore, all we seem to do is fight every time we even open our mouths to say anything to one another”

“You don’t understand Hayden, I’m at the top of Death’s list because he hates the fact I survived his last attempts” I shook my head, Hayden was a sweet man but he was also naïve and gullible to believe the first good thing despite the repercussions.

“Or maybe there’s someone else out there who wants you to live, you don’t see the good in the fact that you’ve lived, you only see the bad that something is after you” He seemed to struggle with the words, his fingers clasped around a small crucifix on a chain.

I loved Hayden, but we were so different in many ways, good and bad. He was a strong believer in the good things in life whereas I believed that if you always thought of the worst case scenario then when something good happens then you appreciate it more than you would if you were expecting it to happen.

Also he believed we were created to inhabit the earth and make it a successful and peaceful place to live, I believed that we were created out of boredom and nothing else

He thought he was safe, that his ‘lucky’ cross would save him from what’s most probably coming for him but he was involved with me so Death would come for him too, His charm was only drawing his fate closer.

“If he existed Leon would still be here…” A tear trickled down my nose as my fingers closed around the small silver skull that hung around my neck. “But he’s not…”

I’d always had this theory, skulls represented Death, darkness and pain; crucifixes represented Life, light and hope. Three things I wasn’t sure even existed anymore, which was the reason behind why I didn’t wear them.

“Lexa…. Blaming yourself for his death isn’t going to bring him back…” Hayden was choosing his words carefully to avoid upsetting me further

“No, but I need to blame someone, if not me then who?”

“Blame me” Hayden was trying to take my mind off it but I couldn’t blame him for something he wasn’t involved in.

I shook my head “No Hayden I can’t blame you… I shouldn’t have let him come with me that day… I should have made him stay at home”

“You cant keep blaming yourself..” He repeated, stepping slowly towards me. “It’s destroying you…” I could hear the pain in his voice; I didn’t mean to make him suffer, people just get hurt around me.

I’d never spoke much about the day my brother died, but maybe today was the day to begin the journey to peace.

“I’ve never told you what happened that day, so I’ll tell you now.” I took a deep breath before I started, I knew it would be painful reliving it but if it helped at all then that would be better than not doing anything at all “it was four years ago on Leon’s twelfth birthday, we were playing a game of hide and seek with some of the boys from the neighborhood. It was getting close to tea time and I still hadn’t found Leon, so our father asked me to go find him..”

My voice trembled slightly; I stopped for a few seconds before I continued “I found him deep within the forest that grew behind our house, staring at a couple of snails, swaying on his feet slightly. So I sighed and approached him to ask what he was doing, and he said I’m just listening to the sounds of nature, can you hear them too sis?  And I said no, I can’t hear anything Leon. Come on everyone’s worried about you”

“And then what happened?” Hayden asked, clearly hypnotized by the story

“Will you be patient?! I’m getting there” I snapped at his interruption “and then he turned to me and said the strangest thing-”

Hayden’s eyes grew wide with anticipation “What?!”

“Hayden, if you interrupted me while I’m telling the story once more, you’ll go on the naughty step and won’t hear the rest…” I warned him

He chuckled, “Sorry mommy.. I’ll be good I promise”

“Good, he said you’re in danger, he’s coming for you and I asked him who was coming for me and that’s when it happened, I remember a loud shot being fired and my brother pushed me out of the way… He saved my life… that bullet was meant for me Hayden… it went through the side of his skull and he died instantly… If he hadn’t of switched places with me then I would be dead” Tears fell from my eyes as I realized I had finished the story and had no reason to return to it.

He said nothing for what seemed like forever until “… Then he’s a hero…”

“After Leon’s death my parents got divorced and dad moved to San Francisco, because they say a marriage cant survive the death of a child..”

They say ‘love is evil’ and it’s true. The love my brother had for me cost him his life, but if you don’t believe me, spell it backwards. See, I told you.

I may have had to live without my brother the past four years but I’ll always remember the good times we had together over the sibling rivalry that all children have against their brothers and sisters.

Because even though he was a pain in the ass ninety-nine percent of the time, he was still my brother and I will always love him. Even now I know he is still watching over me, keeping me as safe as he can from his seat in heaven.

“….. Lex…. I’ll always be here for you… I’m not going anywhere, I promise.. In fact, there’s a question I’ve wanted to ask for a long time” Hayden took my hand and knelt down before me

“Hayden, what are you doing?” I was scared, not because I knew what he was about to ask but because I knew I couldn’t save him if something bad happened.

“Hush.. Lexanne Drayton… Will you be mine to love and to cherish, will you be my wife?”