AND WE WERE FRESHMEN

Final 8 Weeks- April 18 '22

Thus begins the final 8 weeks of school. Holy hell its happening. And holy hell am I still wondering if I am prepared.
I'd say spring break consisted of me being scared, blocking off my thought, overeating, questioning myself, and missing cross country.
Most of my overeating was just mindless, but I do think a small percentage could be attributed to my anger at not having my last 2 years of XC.
I've been getting back on my elite high school runners phase with Katelyn Tuohy, the Young Brothers, and Sam McDonnell of Newbury Park fame.
I know I could've never been like them, but I wish I could've made it to state, which was all I ever wanted back then. But I just keep on telling myself that I can achieve that in my next life. Plus, I know I don't regret a thing about last semester, at least in terms of running.
I think its also starting to hit me since this is our last meet of the season. As in before champion season of course. Yes Coach offered me a secure place in the 3200m, but I want to earn it. I want to PR. But I've been such a shitty athlete, paying little attention to my body, for me to truly belive I can do it. I'm trying and I'm trying but then mom brings bingable foods, or Selena visits and drops off muffins or snacks, or I'm invited out and I tell myself I should live. Truthfully, I still lack self control. I tell myself I should eat my Mexican foods because college is approaching, but shouldn't I be able to stand at least ONE month of not overeating.
God damn is this hard to break. There's temptations everywhere, and I too easily give in. It's like a California sober. And I can no longer tolerate that shit.
I have at least 3 weeks before finals. Please for the love of GOD and all things Holy, Eat right Crystal!!!

Anyways, mock exams are now within arms reach. I am extremely frightened for the AP Calc test. I have to study, but how? Especially when we are still in the ciriculum and will probably get one week of in-class review.

I have my ONLY English lit mock on Saturday and I'm scared because it is grade worthy. Last hear I at least did 2, I might have done 3, don't recall. Point is, I wish I could've, but that was Triton Day, and it was necessary for my college process.
Also I think I smell like garlic. I'm not sure but I hate it.

10 minutes left here.
Also, my birthday is in less than a month. Goddammit. Almost 18.
I want to dieeeeeeeee. (Obviously not true, but ya know)
It's crazy to think about.
Also my next 2 mocks are the following 2 weeks for Calc.

I have a presentation for English either today or tomorrow. It's not too bad I remind myself, but also it's been about 2 months since I initially wrote it, so I am quite full of amnesia. I don't even remember the characters of that book.
It might be our last presentation though, at least before the ap test since that's the first week of May  (2 1/2weeks literally cuz its a wednesday).

So last week I turned in the PATHS PROGRAM thing with about 3 hours to do everything. And by that I mean 3 essays.
Think ap test with 2 1/2 hours and i get a 6 on all of them. That is what I am chasing.

This week ucla regents come out. I doubt I'm getting it, but maybe my appeal to srla and having some sort of fundraiser will win them over. Three hundred something words out of 500, but maybe it was enough???,
Some kids have already committed. I'm doing so at the earliest next week on Mon-Tuesday. The latest is Friday just in case shit crashes on the weekend. After the race I'll commit maybe. DO need to call though. Please waive my feeeeesssss.

Life is OK overall though. I keep on thinking about cutting my hair and the weird bangs I somehow have. Also my stomach hurts. I was gonna work out in the morning but was too lazy too. It's teh damn Popeyes curse. Knew I should've said no.

Anyways, my hair. I want to cut it, but near the end of the season? BLASPHEMY!!!
So maybe I'll do it after my birthday. But probs not since I want the chop fest to signify something. So back to after graduation it is placed. It's a back and forth I have about every day.