Eve's Eden ~ How to Dance the Ancient path of the Goddess in Present Times

13, Jemunja ~ The Mother Ship

The Mother Ship

It had been fifteen years since I had that terrible abortion. I was no longer with Ronan, however the new father of my baby to be, shared an amazing resemblance to the previous Gypsy-esque boy. He too was an Artist, Poet , and Musician. And now we add Dancer. It was enough to make one believe the same baby spirit was back and knew she needed a renegade Artist Papa. And similarly Phoenix had not gone through a right of passage into manhood yet. However he was trying. He was actually on his third vision quest again with Don David. Phoenix always came back grumpy, insisting his quests weren't complete. He decided they wouldn't be authentic until he had been hit by lightning.

As far as I understood this is not the way to approach a vision quest. It's more about being open to being shown surprises or deep self understanding, or visions, than it is a contest about dramatic external manefestations. However he would know, it was his quest. Anyhow I was partly to blame for his obsession since I needed some one to tell the crazy kinds of things that had happened to me on my own "Zap!" with Don David. Phoenix got fixated and wanted the same kinds of things on his own as were on mine. I tried to console him. "Remember the kid who thought his vision quest was bust, because nothing happened ,except a squirrel curled up in his sleeping bag each night? He ended being a tribal leader ! Squirrell medicine means one has the foresight to help every one prepare for winter, and life its self, well in advance! Oh and...what about Ants...they are the strongest of all creatures. That can carry the equivalent of a house on their backs...howwabout you wish for an Ant Hill to show up in your corn circle?" This did not console him. He never told me what happened on this last Vision Quest. Tradition has it your not supposed to talk about those sacred vision quest miracles. All I know is, he felt complete after this last one. He was in Mexico when he also got the news, he would be a father.

One would imagine that to get such momentous news during your vision quest would be enough, not to need to question the Universe's timing or mandate. But the reason Phoenix needed so many vision quests also might have had to do with having too high an IQ for his own serenity. I always thought the super high IQ people are smarter than every one else. But it turns out they can be without the slower great wisdom of the heart. And this can make them clueless when it comes to matters of the heart.

I gave the message to his Shaman's assistant. " Tell Phoenix when he gets back from the mountain, that I'm pregnant, and his baby was hit by lightning in my womb. But tell him we are both fine. The lightning went through the wall. " That was the cryptic message I managed to send. One would think also, if you were a heady person, and needed impossible proof of things, and reassurance to know if you were doing the right and "best" thing at all times ( as if that were the point), that this strange assurance would be more than enough to feel safe about the gift of a child. Especially since it happened during his vision quest out in the bush. But if I know Phoenix he would have been thinking " So did it get fried? Will it be Frankenstien having been electrocuted?" ridiculous fears... unlike my total euphoric trust filled bliss.

But Phoenix always took a number of burn piles before he would have gotten low enough, rock bottom enough, to surrender to spirit and rise again. I was always so confused by this because he had scored at the top of all of New York on his tests for college entry. If it weren't for the cult he was raised in, to be a Christian Minister, he could have gone to any school in the world. And me being a dyslexic moron when it came to worldly education...well I assumed he was of higher intelligence than me, of course....wouldn't you?

I had been resting half asleep half awake. I was facing the big double French doors that I had "installed" into the wall my self. Not being much of a carpenter, the doors had gaps to the outside all around their lopsided edges and were falling off their hinges. I faced the blustering rainstorm and water came spraying lightly in gusts into our bed through the gaps. I snuggled backwards to the far dry half of the queen futon. The Chicken shack mainly I had remodeled for rent exchange was holding up well in the rain storm. The tin roof above me that I had installed myself wasn't even leaking at all. I watched the wind blowing trees in a soothing swirling dance that calmed me. I entered a deeply relaxed trance as I watched night approaching and lightning and thunder blustering all around me.