The sparkle in his eyes

chapter 8 pt. 2

Atsushi pov

"Akutagawa... I know that it might be hard for you to believe, but I'm here just to help you because I genuinely care for you. Why can't you just let me help you? You're not weak for needing help. Sometimes, letting people help you is better than acting as a tough guy just to suffer by yourself. The agency helped me, and I'm here to help you. So please, if you really want me to leave you like this, I'll go. But don't forget that I'm here if you ever change your mind."

His face is emotionless just like most of the time but he seems lost in his thoughts. I'm losing my patience with him. If we're supposed to be good partners he'll have to change his attitude as well. I tried. I really did. But I'm not sure what else should I do.

After maybe five minutes of silence he pulls away his hand. I'm not sure if I'm seeing wrong, but something in his eyes seems to change. 

After a while of sitting in an awkward silence, I finally decide to leave him alone. At least for now. As I enter the living room, I collect my things and return a book, that I borrowed for reading while Akutagawa slept, back on the bookshelf. I glance at the fig plant in the corner one last time before I take my leave and whisper 'Goodbye' in a low voice as I close the door behind me.

Akutagawa pov

What the hell was that about? And what is this awful feeling in my body? It feels weird. I'm not sure how to describe it. Maybe it's just my sickness. Or maybe something else. I've been staring at my hand for some time now, ever since he left. I'm not sure how much time have passed, but I can still feel his touch lingering on my fingers and his warmth on the palm of my hand.

Is this the feeling of being taken care of? I look at the cup of tea on my bedtime table that already went cold some time ago. Does he... genuinely care? Why did he buy me a fig plant and lost so much time talking to me. Does he really just care about being a good partner or is there something more to it?

My mind races as never before. I'm just probably overthinking everything again.

I'm pathetic. If Gin saw me right now, she would ether laugh at me or be concerned.

After a few hours of thinking straight, while just lying down and staring up at the ceiling blankly, I made up my mind at least a little. I'll go and talk to him.

I could at least thank him for not letting me die. In this state I wouldn't be able to stand up from the bed, so if he wouldn't feed me I would starve.

But I definitely won't go and walk up to him like "Hey. Thank you. I don't want to be a bad guy anymore. The power of friendship helped me."

I'd rather end myself than do something like that.

I think that a can of cat food would do as a good gift for him. He's a were-tiger and tigers are basically just overgrown cats.

Nah, I'm not that generous.

I grip my hair. This is enough. I feel like if I'm going to think about it even a second longer I'll lose my mind completely.