I'm losing you

Chapter seven - Just cry

Listen, as you know, I don't really like my teachers (except for Noah and my visual arts teacher) and I can't always come off as nice, but I don't hate them.

Forget it...

I hate them with all my heart and soul.

I tried to act "mature," because that's what my math teacher wants. He said I behave like a toddler and that I need to grow up, both mentally and physically. That hit me, because I was never allowed to grow up, I was never allowed to make mistakes, and I never really felt like anyone cared... I ran out of the classroom crying and left my things behind. I went to one of the teacher's lounges because I knew it was quiet there and Noah was always there (hehe, what a stalker I am).

He had once told me that I could go there if I had any problems or if I was sad, and if he was there, I could tell him everything. Every day, every moment, and now was that moment.With red eyes and holding back tears, I frantically opened the door. He was making coffee; he was alone in the room.

'Olivia...' he said, surprised when he saw me. 'What are you doing here? Don't you still have lessons?'

I stumbled forward and closed the door behind me. This was so embarrassing...

'I...'

Quickly, I glanced up into his tropical eyes.

'I couldn't breathe, I couldn't take it anymore.' A tear ran down my cheek.

'I don't want to anymore...'

Noah reached out his hand, but hesitated. I started crying.

He didn't hesitate anymore and took me in his arms and comforted me with his hands gently and cautiously stroking my hair.

I was sitting in the cafeteria.

Noah was getting my things that were still in the math classroom.

We had stood in the teacher's lounge for ten minutes without saying anything to each other, pressed against each other.

When he came back, according to him, I could go home and he would take care of the rest for me.

Half lost in thought, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I knew who it was before looking into his eyes.

'Here's your bag,' he whispered.

I stood up, pushed my chair in, and took my bag from his outstretched hand. He quickly took hold of mine and looked at me intently.

'If it really gets too much, you have to say it? Even if I'm in the middle of a lesson.'

'But then I'll disturb your explanation, right?'

'Well, those monkeys at this school will manage. Just come, okay?'

I smiled gratefully and he squeezed my hand.

My thoughts in that moment when I saw his gaze: A#@>%û*j1:/'^m<;@1!?...

I knocked on grandma's door, which only opened after five minutes.

"Come in," she said without looking at me.

Carefully, I stepped inside, somewhat afraid that something was wrong because of her carefully painted red eyes; she had been crying. I think it was because of grandpa's death.

We shuffled slowly through the narrow hallway towards the door that was supposed to keep out the draft. Grandma opened it, and I slipped past her to start boiling the kettle. I quickly opened some cupboards in search of tea glasses.

Grandma rested her hand on my upper arm.

"You really don't have to do this, sweetheart, I'm okay. Really, I'm fine!" she said when she saw my hesitant look.

My eyes shot to her hand and from her white knuckles to her sad, blue eyes. I nodded and stubbornly continued searching for cups. Grandma sighed and opened the cabinet next to mine where I was searching. A scraping "Oh..." came out of my mouth as grandma took two tea cups from the white shelf and placed them on the counter.

Creaking and groaning, she bent her 78-year-old spine forward to reach the lower cupboard.

"Take it easy, grandma, I'll do that. After all, you're not 20 anymore."

"Yes, yes. I'll manage."

"Come on, just stand up. It can't be good if I can hear your bones cracking like that."

"I want to do this myself," she grumbled; she sounded like a little child.

"Well, what do you want to get?"

She struggled to stand up.

"This," she said. She showed me a small, black wooden box with golden decorations and a golden lock.

"I received this from your grandpa once," she whispered, and tears welled up in her eyes. I never really knew my grandpa well, but to see grandma so sad... I felt tears gathering in my own eyes too.

"What's inside?" I whispered back. Grandma opened the box. It contained a dark blue velvet cushion with a delicate and lively golden necklace on it, with a diamond pendant shaped like a heart.

"He gave it to me for my 23rd birthday, the first birthday we celebrated together. From that day on, I lovingly wore it almost every hour of my life."

She paused for a brief silence. I saw her enjoying the memory, the happy, good old days without worries. Just loving each other was enough back then, before complicated relationships and secret lovers. Grandma thought of that time, the time she had been able to spend with grandpa without knowing that he would die so soon. A smile appeared on her face, a smile I hadn't seen for years. Then her mouth tightened. Softer than before, she continued, "It was the beginning of 2009. I was about to throw away the box when grandpa suddenly had trouble breathing. We immediately went to the doctor to have it checked. He had asthma, so it wasn't uncommon for him to have difficulty breathing, but this time it was different, worse...He was always strong, never admitted when he was in pain, needed help, or was sad. That's why I didn't realize that there was something wrong with him. The doctor said he had lung cancer and sent us immediately to the nearest hospital for tests and examinations. He had one of the most difficult, persistent forms of lung cancer. With his asthma, it was even worse than it already was...The doctors said he only had a few months left to live, and they couldn't extend it any further than that..."

Tears streamed down her cheeks; mine as well. I never knew this, how grandpa had died...No one ever told me. "But a few weeks later, he passed away. This year, he would have turned eighty...and...And his birthday was also on April 24th..."

"My birthday..." I whispered.

My lip trembled, grandma's voice trembled. "Y-yes. That's why your birthday is always so bittersweet and even more important to me."

I nodded.

"And if I ever pass away, I want you to have the necklace, and the money and all the other things in this house. You can live here, and you can keep everything."

"But..."

"No, it's all for you!"

Grandma stood up and roughly wiped the tears off her wrinkled cheeks, indicating that this conversation was over.

"You have been the greatest support I've ever had, and I love you so incredibly much."I collapsed into grandma's arms, and we cried together, tightly embracing each other.